sweets, leg warmers....and a blanket with memories in the stitching...

Comfortability - being in a state of physical or mental comfort; contented and undisturbed; at ease

for those who have had shitty days....

We've been there. We've had days when all we really want is an AK47 and a clear shot from a roof top. We've had days when violence should be the answer. The shitty ones. The days when the sun isn't enough to warm you and the flowers aren't as bright as they were yesterday. We've felt this way during every season and some of us have handled it the wrong way. Some of use have broken things...some have hurt others...themselves. What is the right way to handle grief? We all are examples that humans adapt to situations that they are confronted with. When put in a spot of stress and anger, we have found ways to adapt according to our needs. We resort to a certain behavior that makes us feel safe and comfortable. Some of us have adapted to negative habits that may be harmful to there selves and others. Others have found positive ways to cope with the tough days. For example...during the winter (cause I'm a fall/winter baby)...I have days when the stillness of the frosty cold is to much. For those days...I put on a huge sweater, some gym shorts and find some leg warmers. I find something sweet to eat...and I rap myself with a blanket that I've had for years. Between bights of whatever I'm eating at the time...i am reflecting on the memories that sit in the blanket I'm in. I let my tension fall into the schemes. Then...i turn on a movie and drift into bliss.

Most people dont do that exactly. Some people write...some people read...some people stack crackers with jam and eat them standing up while reading fashion magazines. You never know. Adapt to your stress and find a healthy habit to fall into whenever you are feeling low. Drop negative energy by starting a new cycle. When in doubt...chocolate works miracles. (: Just tryin ta make ya better...one post at a time. Let me know if its working
begolden
Jahmal

like...ya know.

Conviction - A fixed or strong belief

See that vocab note up there? Speak with some. American children everywhere have somehow forgotten how to fabricate honest statements without a hint of uncertainty at the end...like, ya know. Its getting stressful hearing the "like"s all the time. They have been know to pop up at school, at the dinner table and especially at the mall. Its getting tiring having to have this very talk with more than half of my school on a regular basis. It gets ridiculous having to count the likes during second period. One of my favorite poets had this to say in a group peace entitled Silence. "When ever you speak from somewhere that isn't your heart you are mute to me!" I'm not telling my readers to ignore everyone that says like after everything...but i am thinking it a little loudly, ya know. I just want people to put into consideration that no one takes people seriously if they don't know what they're talking about. A lot of people really don't know what they are talking about when they say like, and it shows. Others just choose not to speak as if they know anything because everyone else is, like, doing it. People write whole poems about the lack of conviction in our youths speech these day. Another one of my favorite poems wrote a poem entitled Speak with Conviction. His name is Taylor Mali (Please check it out).

I have this to say. Speak with a little confidence in what you are saying or else no one will care. The only people that will care are the people that do it themselves. Teens make themselves sound really special unintentionally. Just acknowledge your verbal habits. That's all i ask. Then choose to act on them. Like, that might help.

I feel as if I'm just attempting to help people work on themselves so that they don't go through the hell that some kids did. Just helpin' people grow a little, one post at a time.
beGolden
Jahmal

a responce of sorts.....your sacred self

I push the subject of beauty in all shapes and sizes. Its something that i have a strong feeling for. I have a passion for making people see how beautiful they reallly are. Beauty is beauty and its all around us. I feel bad for everyone that disagrees....

I have already pushed this point in blog form, but i wrote a poem about it a while ago. I hope you enjoy it. This is about breaking free from the self hate that plagues many teens in america. This poem is dedicated to everyone that stuggles with self hatred as a result of the people they associate with, the media around them, and the society they live in. Strive to help people see themselves as beautiful. It could save a life....

begolden
Jahmal

I Change For Myself
Jahmal B. Golden

I wrote a mirror,
and identifies myself.
Lost in my own eyes
I recalled my beauty
and smiled.
I wrote a mirror
and realized
that i had no flaws.
I plucked them off
in my mind...
let them hit
the holy ground
upon which i was standing.
Satisfied,
i grinned.
At last,
I had found my beauty.
My inner god.
At last,
I recognized the radiance
of my ego
and am now at rest
with my
familiar.

he loves me....decisions, decisions.

To Decide - The passing of judgment on an issue....coming to a conclusion.

People ask me what to do sometimes. They ask me how to decide on something that is troubling them. Sometimes its very difficult to determine how to decide for them. In an effort to avoid making the wrong choices for this person and to allow this person to learn from their own actions and the best ones for themselves....i tell them to make a list. I tell them to weigh out the good and the bad in a situation...then they are free to pass judgment. If the negative out ways the good in a situation...be harsh and take the direct route. Do anything to get out of that situation.l...almost anything. If the good out ways the bad then do what may be best for you. Choose the path that caters to the positive. This is a good habit to get into. Its completely un-bias. It helps you see a little clearer when you're really in a foggy position. It gives a little more clarity to situations that may be influenced by emotion.

The decisions you make can change color depending on the light and tomorrow may be brighter than yesterday. Try making a list next time you are stuck in a situation. It may help. Don't let your emotions govern the way you think. But try to follow your heart.
beGolden
Jahmal

Ever Thine.....

Love - A deep and tender feeling of affection towards another person....

Love is proof that there is a such thing as magic. We fall waist deep in it for the first time and it feels like the most beautiful thing ever. The luckier ones feel like they're floating. But some of us....not so much. Thinking about someone you love can feel like a weight on your heart. the very thought can stop you mid-stride. This is the plight of love to some. The first love will always be with you,...good or bad. It can leave you feeling butterflies in your chest or a thorn in your heart. Stay with me and Ill give you the point. Some of us are blessed to fall in love with someone and it works out for the best. Some of us are blessed to fall in love with someone mutually...as if it were written in the stars. Another portion of us fall in love with someone...and it seems like it was written simply in beach sand. Some love meets the ocean waves while others are just out of reach. Its a risk we all take. Some love seems well done and then the cracks begin to show. We commit to relationships in pursuit of love....and it breaks in our arms...and scares us forever. Some of us rush into love and cling to it even when the paint peels....I experienced a love that could exist. I fell in love with someone so entirely that it hurts to think about it to this day. I fell deeply in love with someone that loved me as well...and still he couldn't love me. He was too unsure about love and couldn't bring himself to do it. So now, i think about this person rarely now. It hurts to much...

Love is fragile and can shift with the wind. Be sure and take care of the love you have. Know that life is full of almost and could be's. Life is full of love...so don't make heartbreak the end of the world. Learn from past mistakes and grow as a result of them. For those in love....power to you.
beGolden
Jahmal

Dedication to the ignored....Lockers.

I haven't been keeping up continuity lately...some things have been troubling me but i know that they will soon pass. I understand that it isn't fair to my viewers not to see anything of me depending on my mood. So i am making a change. I wont be giving you a lecture every night through my posts but i will leave you something. I am as much of a poet and story teller as i am a blogger. My story teller and poetic abilities almost come out in my blogging. So i think that it'd be a little more fair to leave you with a little poetry or a story every now and then. Fair? Let me know.

This poem is dedicated to everyone that has been mistreated and abused in the "safe" walls of a school building. It goes out to everyone that has been hit, cursed out, made fun of, disrespected and/or ignored in the buildings that are supposed to be second safest in our lives. This poem is entitled Lockers and it most importantly goes out to everyone that has committed suicide due to said abuse.
stayGolden
Jahmal

I am there,
despite your lack of observation.
Passing shadows
only scare me a little.
Touch me not.
Curve
around my unknown existence.
Pass me by without acknowledgement.
I am painted into these tiles.
And when the young drag their
highlighters on the walls,
I scream.
Cause I am here.
I will stay here,
locked away in cemented flooring.
The children march over me,
And I wait,
for something
more.

Future, Friends and Poetry ....keeping afloat.

Nevertheless - In spite of that; nonetheless; however

I've been pissed off and stressed for a while. The universe is being unkind. The fat lady has yet to stop singing, but I'm getting stuck with her dishes. I'm pissed off. So many things are happening right now and its just frustrating and I crack under pressure. Energy around me is scattered and fast paced and I don't do well inside situations like this. I'm sure many people have found that when they're stressed to the max they don't even work well. They don't function the way they normally do and everyday things can be TRES difficult. I am that times maybe 3 on a good bad day. But I find a way to cope though. In spite of the randomized BS that comes in and out of my life, I can balance myself with three very important things to me. Friends, Future, and Poetry. These are all things I adore in life. They aren't as literal as one might think as well. By Future, I mean all that i strive to become. All that i want to be. All that I know I CAN be. Everything that I aspire to be...everything that i want to love in the future. Everyone that i want to remember. By friends, I mean everyone that i love, everyone that I WILL love and everyone that I have once loved. By poetry, I mean my art. My writing and my photography. By poetry, I mean my vivid imagination and NEED to create. By poetry, i mean my creativity and all that falls under that.

I have my Friends, my Future and my Poetry. Things that keep me moving when the weight of the world is slowing me down. Trust me, things get stressful. Nevertheless, i have these things. Everyone has something that keeps them afloat. Some look at pictures. Some look at mirrors. Some write their names repeatedly and find beauty in them.
beGolden
Jahmal

missing 11:11

Wishful Thinking - Identification of one's wishes or desires with reality.

I wish at 11:11 nightly. Its a thing that i do. I don't remember where i picked it up....i don't know the "deep" meaning of it. i kinda just do it for me. I'm in love with the concept of it. It fascinates me that there is a minute in time where magic is possible. I wish for big and small things alike. Its just a little small thing i do. I also like to wish on my eyelashes. Its a strange habit of mine as well. I picked that up from an old friend in elementary. Strangely enough i know a lot of people that do it. Wishing at magical minute length times and dead hair is something i do with hopes that my wishes come true. Honestly, I believe that if i wish hard enough, my wish will come true. Its just something i do to stop myself from working hard to achieve my goals sometimes. We all do it. We hope to god that something will get done without us putting in the work. We ignore the laws of equivalence. You get what you put in....and wishes don't count for much. I do it because I'm a PRO-crastinator. I get frustrated with myself and just wish my worries away. Its a habit. I missed 11:11 tonight. I call that a wake up call.

Put in some effort. Wishing your problems away is a waist of energy and wishing. It's unrealistic and its a cop out. Today i decided to put in more work than i do sometimes. Its a realistic way to get work done. But....11:11 is still a little magical. A wish a night wont hurt. Just try not to depend on a minute of magic.
beGolden
Jahmal

Times, they are a changin....so find a life preserver

Relief - The easing of a burden or distress, such as pain, anxiety, or oppression

Thank you all for following. I have been incredibly lazy lately. Its sad. I was writing little notes and gathering new inspiration. I forcing a lot of my readers to follow the damn blog (thanks again). I was complaining, getting pissed off and stressing. But its all out of my system now. And I'm ready to write. Just so you know, the Icelandic music helped a lot. It may be slightly emo but it sure as hell helps. The best part is that I've been soaking in this song about a boy lost at sea. Its beautiful and it helps me think. This song is there whenever I'm pissed off or stressed about some bull. I wish i had this music during the school year, ya know. I hardly feel stressed out when listening to it. I was drowning in a sea of bitchassness before i got to my emo Icelandic music. Now, i have a life jacket. And it feels fabulous. By the way, i know you might be thinking that I'm going on about some band that you've never heard of. But there is a point.

Here it is, I'll leave you with this.
Times get shitty. Slow summers can be a drag and so can stressful school years. A lot of people find themselves drowning in school work and stress. But there is always a life jacket if you search hard enough. Find something that you can always go back to. Something that can clear your mind and relax you. Meditation can be extremely helpful. I have my emo Icelandic music. Keeps me afloat. What about you? Find your life preserver. Comes in handy sometimes. ++
beGolden
Jahmal

I added a bunch of new shit for you to use. Comment on EVERYTHING!! I will be monitoring. I really want to read what you all think. Much love to my readers. ;)