Forgiveness...and how deep it can be

forgiveness - The act of forgiving; pardon.

There is this boy that broke my heart once. He was a straight boy that was stringing me along...some closet case that needed to come out. Sadly, i was in love with him. He was this dream of mine...to have him and for him to want me. It was pathetic actually...Reflecting on it is difficult. I put up with the crap...I put up with the secret...I put up with the self hatred that went along with this (not so)relationship. It was true love....Then, as a result of some isolated drama, i realized that i hated him so much for the shit i was going through. I was done with him...I had avoided him for a while...a LONG while. Quiet as its kept (its actually not a secret) he now has a girlfriend, goes to another school, and loves it and the girl very much. He showed up at my school last month and i had a panic attack. I was bound to him by memories and aged emotions. It was tragic. Then...he tried to friend me on facebook. My response...wasn't too nice.

Its not that i don't appreciate your drive but...A. Don't you have a
girl friend now?B. What made you think to add me again today?C. Aren't you better
at being straight than bi/gay/whatever?I'll always love you a little...But as of
now, I'm healing and ignoring all of last year and starting fresh. That includes
you, Louis, hating myself because of Louis (kid who i hate), and starving myself.
I feel a lot better...and you should to. You have a new school, a girlfriend who
loves you and a shit load of friends that care about you. Enjoy your life...without the gay...or me....love ya and hate ya,

Jahmal....P.S. feel free to respond...

He responded....He said that he was sorry. He said that he's moved on and grown out of his curiosity. Best of all...he said that he never hated me. The tears filled my eyes to the brim and i held myself for a moment. I felt relieved. I felt a lot more relaxed and i felt like i didn't loose him. We're friends now...Forgiveness is a deep thing. Some people find security in it. Some people find that forgiveness has relaxed them and relieved a great burden. Like me.

begolden....Jahmal