the flower bracelet...letting it come to you.

Self - Fulfilling Prophecy - a concept developed by Robert K. Merton to explain how a belief or expectation, whether correct or not, affects the outcome of a situation or the way a person (or group) will behave.

On Sunday i was searching for a collection of bracelets i own. I have a blue eye, a red eye and a white flower. Blue for peace. Fire for drive. flower for purity. I was searching, fairly desperately at first, for the white flower. Now, do note that i used to have a problem with losing things and it bothered me that i might have restarted an old habit. Also note that a less happy and wise Jahmal B. Golden would break down, cry and go to sleep. I'd dwell on it until it gushed out of my eyes...but I've evolved past that. Instead i told myself that I'd find it. I told myself that I'd find it. I calmed myself before i could emote. It feels better to just relax. Besides...I had something else to be doing. So I walked away from my jewelry box and went to dinner with my mother. Her birthday dinner. I did all i could to calm down and i dedicated a lot of energy to my mother that night. Monday morning, I was scrambling to find something to wear. Clothes...flying. Hats...Tossed. I assembled something i liked but i needed a sweater to go with it. I reach in my closet and pick a gray cardigan...one of my favorites in face. I sling it on and i want out of my house to get to the bus stop. I look at my bare wrist and reach in the sweater pockets to cover them. There it was...purity.

Sometimes it's necessary to let it air out a little. Sometimes it's crucial to just step away from a situation for a moment and let whatever happens happens. Sometimes its important to let your angels step in. If you let the world work it'll surprise you. Give the universe a second and it'll give you what you want. For all that don't know...If you ask for it, it'll come to you. If you you let it come to you, you'll get it. So let it come to you and you'll find it on your front step. Or at a street corner. Or in your pocket...wrapped in a bow.

beGolden and give it some time

Jahmal

the moments...Polaroids and you

reminiscent - ending to recall or suggest something in the past.

So...I'm writing a piece or two about the memories I have of my greatest friends. I have one about my friend Laurel and it’s about how I always imagine her in sepia and in autumn. There's a distinct way I remember her and it’s preserved in a Polaroid I’ve never taken of her. Its brilliant actually...your imagination is a camera and Photoshop put together. This'll be short, people.

I hold a lot of people in moments in time where I loved them the most. Its just something people do to remember being happy and people around them being happy. I looked at an old picture this morning of myself from 2nd grade. I was sitting against a wall smiling bigger than ever. It was pleasing to remember me as i was and compare it to how i am now. So, here's where you come in...Don't forget the moments. Don't forget how happy you were and how happy they were. Don't forget their names. Don't forget the locations. Some days you need to remember the happier times to move on. So keep your mind an expanding photo album...for those days when you need it.

beGolden
Jahmal

Those moments...the Polaroid. the film.

reminiscent - ending to recall or suggest something in the past

So...I'm writing a piece or two about the memories i have of my greatest friends. I have one about my friend Laurel and its about how i always imagine her in sepia and in autumn. There's a distinct way i remember her and its preserved in a Polaroid i've never taken of her. Its brilliant actually...your imagination is a camera and photoshop put together. This'll be short, people.

I hold a lot of people in moments in time where i loved them the most. Its just something people do to remember being happy and people around them being happy. I looked at an old picture this morning of myself from 2nd grade. I was sitting against a wall smiling bigger than ever. It was pleasing to remember me as i was and compare it to how i am now. So, here's where you come in...Don't forget the moments. Don't forget how happy you were and how happy they were. Don't forget their names. Don't forget the locations. Some days you need to remember the happier times to move on. So keep your mind an expanding photo album...for those days when you need it.

beGolden

Jahmal

Dive in...love and hope.

Philophobia - The Fear of falling in love and/or being in love....

So, sometimes i don't believe that the romantic definition of love is exists in a positive light. I feel like there are lots of faults in "liking/loving" someone. There's that period where you loose comfort in your skin because you want to be better for someone else. Then you feel like you're never enough. Its disgusting...Its cruel to your reflection...It does a lot of harm actually! I fell for someone and i discovered, and maybe its just me and the gays, but there was a mess of push-pull. One day, the love was there. The smiles were there. Oh, god, the butterflies. Then...The butterflies were gone because the smiles weren't there either. An "off" day...There were days were i realized that most men are unfortunately ignorant and selfish. But on the other hand...There were still those moments where i loved him and he loved me and there was the joy that came with that. I've caught myself struggling on what to wear when I'm going to see him and that in and of itself...oh my god. I obsess. I question myself. Who would jump, head first or otherwise, into a relationship knowing that there's the inevitability of these things and more. Then...the heartbreak. Then you're in a relationship with reruns and ice cream. Then you fear doing it again.....

With that said...Love sucks miserably. So does that feeling of "ithinkilovehim". But then there's another side. There's the snuggles and the hugs. The kisses, if you're lucky. There's the joy of seeing him again. The excitement around the holidays. The weekends. The gifts, giving and receiving. The affection and the fun. With THAT said...Love RULES. I guess its all worth it...the off and on days. So, whatever you do, don't be afraid. Don't deny yourself the pleasure because of fear. Dive into it because its awesome...Just be prepared and realistic. I'm not being a downer...just know what it is to love and be loved. And finally...note that you may feel as though you aren't enough until he/she tells you so...but you are. You're MORE that that.

beGolden

Jahmal

Flip it...fml solution

fml - fuck my life...

I've been doing a lot of writing. I've been editing and rewriting and it feels great. I've taken a lot of time out of my day to write and explore my talents. I was asked to present a piece to my class and i was delightfully excited...you don't even know. I enjoy presenting to people and that's part of the reason i have this blog. Well...I got to school and i plugged my flash drive in. BTW...My flash drive has all of the new updates I've made this week. I didn't back it up yet. The title and that BTW prolly explained it all. My flash drive wont recognize...I was shocked. This meant that, if my home desktop couldn't recognize it, i would be forced to redo all that i had worked on this week. I would have to face the shoulda coulda woulda...So i shut down. At 9 pm, i sat down and covered my head with my arm. I closed my eyes and tried desperately to sleep and forget. Its a coping thing. Then i got a message from my mother. Yes, people...texts can be inspiration too.

Sometimes life knocks you over the head. Its a greeting thing that some higher force has. Sometimes you spill coffee on your lap...sometimes you step in shit...Sometimes you forget to back up. When this happens you have choices. You could cover your head and try and forget. You can cry and wish that it wouldn't have happened. I, personally, prefer to flip the situation. I chose to change my luck...I'm altering my reality. When i get home at 3:30, I will try to recover my files. If this fails...I'll just do it over. I had fun writing this week...Whats another night of warm clothes, good food and my fingers dancing on a keyboard. I have no real problem here! Sometimes you just have to acknowledge that it isn't that bad. Sometimes you have to change your fml into a ygoi. YGOI - YOU'LL GET OVER IT! That is one of the few truths we have in this world. The only constant in the world is change. So change you or let your circumstances do it for you. Sometimes you just have to change your reality...

BeGolden

Jahmal

Diamonds and water...worth and where you stand.

necessity - an imperative requirement or need for something...

I wasn't thrilled about taking Advanced Placement Economics. I really wasn't...I feared that I would end up hating America more than i already do in a second. It was miserable at first, the thought of amercing myself, for 40 minutes a day, in economics and the study of how scarcity affects people. It was gag worthy...But then i opened the book and i something strange happened. I didn't gag. The book was redundant at certain points but it was interesting. It applied to everything and after reading, i started applying economic theory to everything. Why do people in low economic conditions name their children like this? How can cheating be determined using economics? The book was brilliant and enlightening. I started to actually be excited for going into my AP Eco course! I started the class and i found myself engaging in conversation. I was already discussing and thinking aloud and i continued to absorb. I learned something interesting that struck me to the point of Blog-Post-Gasm. Water is more important than diamonds but diamonds cost more. I jumped out of my seat quite literally actually. What the hell!? People kill each other over diamonds but water is more important and its less expensive. It's worth more in more ways than one. Diamonds are just precious object that people obsess over...Here's the point.

When Christmas comes, for those who celebrate it, the new ipod is not the point. The point is celebrating the birth of a magical Jew. But still, parents leave early from work to get the new cell, shoes, computer...Or else children bitch out and slam doors. Its nauseating! Our values are warped sometimes. We value NEW shoes over any shoes at all. We value the movies over dinner with family. The point is this - The material obsession is the root of your unhappiness. Its nice to have pretty things...I LOVE PRETTY THINGS. But i also love sunsets. I also love people enough to drop the remote to go and see them. I wouldn't cry if my computer broke. Some things are more important. Some things are more necessary. Get your values straight and you'll live a better life. I'd choose water over diamonds. Would you?

BeGolden and honest,

Jahmal

The Beginning....reboot and resetting...

Rebooting - to restart/refresh.

I took the summer off as you all can tell. I took the summer to do some other things...working, photography, partying, hanging out....etc. Now I'm back and there's lots to say. Here we go!

So, I'm a senior in high school now. I'm a creative writing major at an arts school and I've grown as a person SO much. I've become a better writer, friend, thinker, reader and overall person in a year. I've fallen in love...I've fallen out of love. I've had fun and I've cried. I've rushed and I've relaxed and I've discovered the following...I am not intricate nor simple and i love it. I am an exceedingly unique person and i wont explain me for anyone. Why do you care? Because you are the same. You are not someone to just figure out and you should let people know that. You are your own person and you should be treated as such. Everyone is beautiful in some light but everyone's truth changes colour depending on the atmosphere. We have much to learn of people even though we've been around them forever. There are many lessons we much learn to make it in the world...I'm one of the people who supplies the lessons. I teach based on my experience and I'd like to think that I'm good at what i do. So lemme give you the first lesson of a new school year...or just a new year in life.

Summer is a time or relaxation and fun. Its a time of scrambling for comfort and rejecting all that isn't comfortable. We play. We laugh. We eat. We enjoy. But then fall comes. Fall is a time for relaxation too...but a different kind. Its a time to find a different type of comfort in sweaters and scarves. Its a time to prepare for winter and enjoy the changes that are happening around us. It's a time to reflect...for we change like the leaves in autumn. This is a fabulous part of life...being able to just evolve when we put our minds to it. Well...PUT YOUR MINDS TO IT! A little change is a good sometimes. In other news...School has started for some and we have to change our ways of thinking. It's no longer time for short shorts and beach parties. Its a time for learning and education for most of our day. This isn't a terrible thing...Its good to learn!! But just know that we have to transfer our energy into a different place.

Autumn is a new season...Its a new season for the earth and a new season for you. So...Go experience and grow! Start something new! Get a new positive habit and do what is necessary. Be happy and watch the earth change around you. A season can pass in a second. So can you. So take advantage.

BeGOLDEN and grow

Jahmal