Dive in...love and hope.

Philophobia - The Fear of falling in love and/or being in love....

So, sometimes i don't believe that the romantic definition of love is exists in a positive light. I feel like there are lots of faults in "liking/loving" someone. There's that period where you loose comfort in your skin because you want to be better for someone else. Then you feel like you're never enough. Its disgusting...Its cruel to your reflection...It does a lot of harm actually! I fell for someone and i discovered, and maybe its just me and the gays, but there was a mess of push-pull. One day, the love was there. The smiles were there. Oh, god, the butterflies. Then...The butterflies were gone because the smiles weren't there either. An "off" day...There were days were i realized that most men are unfortunately ignorant and selfish. But on the other hand...There were still those moments where i loved him and he loved me and there was the joy that came with that. I've caught myself struggling on what to wear when I'm going to see him and that in and of itself...oh my god. I obsess. I question myself. Who would jump, head first or otherwise, into a relationship knowing that there's the inevitability of these things and more. Then...the heartbreak. Then you're in a relationship with reruns and ice cream. Then you fear doing it again.....

With that said...Love sucks miserably. So does that feeling of "ithinkilovehim". But then there's another side. There's the snuggles and the hugs. The kisses, if you're lucky. There's the joy of seeing him again. The excitement around the holidays. The weekends. The gifts, giving and receiving. The affection and the fun. With THAT said...Love RULES. I guess its all worth it...the off and on days. So, whatever you do, don't be afraid. Don't deny yourself the pleasure because of fear. Dive into it because its awesome...Just be prepared and realistic. I'm not being a downer...just know what it is to love and be loved. And finally...note that you may feel as though you aren't enough until he/she tells you so...but you are. You're MORE that that.

beGolden

Jahmal