Thursday, November 26, 2009

Out of the closet...into the sun...

acceptance - The act or process of accepting...yourself, others, an idea etc.

You know EXACTLY what this post is about. In the last couple weeks I've had to look long and hard at my sexuality and how people look at at me because of it. People have said some very rude things lately and I'm aware that they always will. I've heard people say that they would kill their children if they were gay...some say that all gays are going to hell. What do i say to that? I say, you're ignorant...let me educate you. To every person who says "you chose to be gay" I ask... Did you choose to be straight? To every person who says "you're a sinner" I say...."So are you!" There are a lot of ways you can combat the anti-gay. Use the bible against them...people who are without sin can no one should be judging...Makes sense, don't it. But this isn't the point of this post...the point is security and acceptance. I've have learned to love myself in spite of what everyone says. Its a valuable shield...I accept myself and to hell with those who don't accept me. I chose to educate and those who don't accept the knowledge...well screw 'em.

People need to learn to accept themselves no matter what. They need to learn that they are beautiful and no one can take that from you. There is nothing sinful about being true to yourself and how you were made. Ignorant people can learn a thing or two from those who are different. Love yourself...educate the non-believers...step out of the closet.

Giving Thanks for Life...

thanks - An expression of gratitude....perhaps to some unknown force.

Last week I received a letter in my locker that said "Fag! You're gonna be killed on your birthday! Look out!". Frightened and worried, i ripped the letter to shreds and carried on with my day. My birthday was Friday...and i got the letter on Wednesday. I didn't think of that until i got home. Still, i refused to let a prank like this consume my week. I refused to tell people until i had a breakdown. I told a few people that i school administrators. (they don't handle school bullying well) Each person i told wanted me to have saved the letter but i physically could not keep myself stable with that letter on my person. It was terrifying and i didn't want anything like that ruining my birthday. A councilor found out about the letter through an anonymous message. I told her about it and she told me to keep on my guard and to report anything else that happened. Finally, i cracked. I broke down in one of my favorite teachers rooms...i wrote our school therapist a letter...i told two of my best friends. I felt helpless and completely unsafe and it wasn't until i spoke to one of my mentors that i truly understood what to do. My mentor told me that this might happen throughout my life and i just have to stay on my guard and not let it consume me. My birthday came...i brought in cupcakes...i smiled and laughed...nothing happened at school. Still, i was scared and i was letting it change my mood. I didn't let anything make me happy. I was gonna call it quits...go home and cover myself with a Then a very close friend took me to an interesting pub...we went upstairs...and a room full of people yelled surprise. The grin stretched across my face. That was the end of my nightmare. Now...I'm giving thanks for life, love, creativity, family, friends, and everyone who is reading this blog.

Don't let anything negative shape your whole disposition. Nothing should have that much power over who you are. Don't suffer alone...tell someone...someone you trust that you're having a problem. That letter was a sign of someones cowardice and ignorance...keep that in mind if anyone sends you some stuff like that. Lastly, give thanks between bites today. There is SOOO much to be thankful for. Have a happy holiday people. : )

Thursday, November 12, 2009

Solid is the ice i tread...

Trust - Firm reliance on the integrity, ability, or character of a person or thing.

So...I exposed some of my secrets to that boy I'm in love with. Shortly after, i thought that i was RETARDED. I thought that i was trusting someone too much. I felt as though i were making a big mistake and i shuttered at the idea. Love does very weird things to you. I felt as though he might slip up and tell someone or something. Of course, i knew he wouldn't do this but it entered my mind in spite of that. Then he said something to me that made me feel soo much better. He says that he likes when I'm vulnerable and open. That made me smile and made me take a look at myself. I realized that i hide some of my feelings from people and its not worth it. I haven't been lying or anything...i just don't expose myself to some of the people i know best. The people i love. So i decided to bet it all on trust. I trust him enough to hold my secrets and trust my best friends even more.

Trust is one of the best gifts you can give. It lets people know that you care and respect them. It makes them smile. I can't tell you when it is right to give your trust to a person. As cliche as it sounds...let your heart tell you. BLECCHH...i hate the way that sounds! But seriously people, trust is awesome. Trust SOMEONE with your secrets and your true feelings. be cautious. Make sure the ice is sturdy....