Monday, December 13, 2010
Monday, December 6, 2010
Monday, November 15, 2010
Tuesday, November 9, 2010
Last night, on the brink of sleep I launched out of bed, grabbed a pen and scribbled "Music" on my wrist in the dark. You could imagine that it wasn't too neat. Still, I had this epiphany. I have been amerced in portable music since this time 5 years ago. Everyday I listened to music on my walks to the bus stop or anywhere, actually. I've been developing new tastes and getting new music illegally and otherwise...sue me. Anyway, I really enjoy music and I sorta need it to get through life. I couldn't last without listening to my songs every morning and when I'm alone in my house. In fact...I'm listening to Looking Out by Brandi Carlile right now. I need music everyday! Don't you?
Music is the only thing that can pass into our thoughts without effort. It's something that keeps me afloat. I think it's a good practice to listen to music before you start your day. It sets the mood! I have friends that have dedicated their lived to music. It seems to be essential. Listen to music. Amerce yourself in it and let it take control. It's a good type of meditation, people! Don't just take my word for it...Go ask around. C: It's real!
beGolden and Jam a lil.
Monday, November 8, 2010
Tuesday, November 2, 2010
I've had a sore throat for a week today. Yeah...See my excuse is that I don't get sore throats so I don't know when they're usually over. It hurt to swallow and I'm gay...people and their jokes...Anyway, the first message is clear.
Readers...if something is bothering, physically, mentally or emotionally...don't wait for it to get worse before you get help. I'm praying that I don't have mono! But I'm healing sooo...not TOO bothered anymore.
There's a baby waiting to be sent in with his parents. He grabs his mothers iPhone and proceeds to turn it on, unlock it and turn on some music. What the he'll? is right, my dear reader. This is beyond me for sooo many reasons. But don't think that he's a future tech wiz...he spent the next 10 minutes dancing to his gurggles, running in circles, quite literally, and slapping two strange boys he didn't know.
Are we too tech friendly? Have we distilled iPods into our children before morals or vocabulary? That boy couldn't ever speak! But he could put on blink 182 in seconds. Is this the new world? Looks and sounds like something to think about. So ask yourself these questions and let me know.
beGolden and wonder...
Monday, November 1, 2010
Thursday, October 28, 2010
Thursday, October 21, 2010
Tuesday, October 19, 2010
Thursday, October 14, 2010
Tuesday, October 12, 2010
My friend James has lymphoma. That's the simple and direct approach. I've known him since third grade. He's not the greatest with people...He has difficulty communicating sometimes. It can take him a while to get points across. People picked at him since before I met him. It was difficult being one of his friends, someone for him to lean on, when I was a victim of bullying too, ya know? But I don't think I gave up on him ever. I've always helped when I was needed. I was always someone to talk to....someone familiar. We came into high school together. I feel as though we started to drift. We were on separate paths. I was developing into a less depressed, joyous, budding gay kid. He was developing into a more social person. I see him daily. I say hi in passing. I wonder about him. Ask about him. He's my friend James! We both could be called victims.
I always thought that James was stronger. He never let it show, whatever it was. You could never call him a victim, even now. I, on the other hand, tends to wear my emotions on my face. It's a bit of a challenge to keep moving sometimes when there is always something. There was always something for James, too, but he's stronger than I. Last week, Thursday morning, I found out that my friend has lymphoma. Just something else. He asked me to read a cycle of poems about it...I almost cried then. Not knowing what it was, I googled it. Cancer, right? I balled. I wept. I felt like the worst friend because I hadn't asked. I hadn't been there the whole time. Pitty...more. I couldn't do anything for him now, so I thought....Here's what...
Sometimes these things happen. You may feel as though there's nothing to do. There is something. Support. You can always lend a shoulder, a prayer, a hug....You can always support. When you see something you can do or help with....Do it. Just do it. For James...I know this is something unexpected and it could be eroding your spirit a little. You haven't let it destroy and for that I thank you. You're teaching people, all over the web, now, the power of enduring. You're one of the strongest people I know, James. Stay beautiful and don't let ANYTHING get you down. To all of you...This, too, shall pass. Stay strong. Endure.
Thursday, October 7, 2010
Wednesday, October 6, 2010
Monday, October 4, 2010
Tuesday, September 28, 2010
Monday, September 27, 2010
Friday, September 24, 2010
Most people view narcissism as this excessive, negative love for ones self. BONK. To be narcissistic in a humble manor is a GREAT thing. This is gunna be a short post.
I spent a lot of last night writing and doing some work. I took a shower. I ate great food. Then I planned an outfit for today that made me happy and made me look and feel good. I put it on this morning, look at myself in the mirror...I look stunning and I really DO love myself. Before writing this post, I class for a good word for the opening and they said, Narcissism. Again, I say BONK. I love myself. I love myself because I didn't always love myself. I love myself because if YOU don't love YOURSELF...than who will? I mean, really? So...Here's what.
I love myself. I dress nicely for myself. I go to cafes for myself sometimes! Its good to just do for YOU. Its good to do for others, but you are the most important person in your life. Love yourself. You're ALLOWED to be narcissistic. So do you. Be happy. Love you!
Wednesday, September 22, 2010
Monday, September 20, 2010
Friday, September 17, 2010
Thursday, September 16, 2010
recurring - To happen, come up, or show up again or repeatedly.
It seems as though I have to re-stress an old and looming topic. Yesterday, I saw a girl, maybe of 13, and she was wearing a short skirt, a tank top, legging and holding the newest vogue. Naturally...I stopped in my tracks. I, however, was wearing a thick sweater. Mind you, its 62 degrees Fahrenheit. So, what of this girl who is dressed like a summer hooker and is but 13 years old? What of the fact that, instead of buying a coat for winter/fall, bought those leggings and a new copy of Vogue? Where the hell are her priorities and what season is she living in? This girl probably values trends and fads more than she does her education, the finer things (art and high culture) and prolly doesn't stand out. Many girls her age are choosing to look like GaGa and Beyonce over looking like they have their own styles. But lets not just blame this particular girl for ruining society as we know it...We also have boys. So...on one hand, we have homophobic black boys that sag and wear skinny jeans and, to complete the look, they get mohawks and bleach the tips. Mind you, when gay people and other colored people did it...it was gay and stupid. On the other hand...We have our white stoner crowd that chooses to sag as well only THEY enjoy looking thugged out or mixing the two looks together. Then they speak as though they invented hip hop...poorly...and they adapt to a lot of negative stereotypes placed on black youth. The world as we know it...
So, what can you say about this? That teens are just becoming the puppets of pop culture icons like GaGa and Nicki Minaj? Nope. Frankly, the ones with no individual style or personalities are just not worth anyone's time. There are plenty that enjoy being themselves and being fabulous. The problem is that we are easy to mold...well...those with weaker minds and self confidence. The priorities of some have shifted into stupidity. People have taken on stereotypes and more bad habits and it’s sad. Who's to blame? The media? The kids themselves? Kanye West? Who knows? But I have some good advice. Just be you. Don’t try to blend in with everyone else. Those who strive to "fit in" aren't people that are valued in today’s culture. Be the one to wear a meat dress to an award ceremony (GaGa reference)...But don't do it because someone did it first! Set your own trends! Be your own person!
Wednesday, September 15, 2010
Tuesday, September 14, 2010
reminiscent - ending to recall or suggest something in the past.
So...I'm writing a piece or two about the memories I have of my greatest friends. I have one about my friend Laurel and it’s about how I always imagine her in sepia and in autumn. There's a distinct way I remember her and it’s preserved in a Polaroid I’ve never taken of her. Its brilliant actually...your imagination is a camera and Photoshop put together. This'll be short, people.
I hold a lot of people in moments in time where I loved them the most. Its just something people do to remember being happy and people around them being happy. I looked at an old picture this morning of myself from 2nd grade. I was sitting against a wall smiling bigger than ever. It was pleasing to remember me as i was and compare it to how i am now. So, here's where you come in...Don't forget the moments. Don't forget how happy you were and how happy they were. Don't forget their names. Don't forget the locations. Some days you need to remember the happier times to move on. So keep your mind an expanding photo album...for those days when you need it.
Monday, September 13, 2010
Thursday, September 9, 2010
Wednesday, September 8, 2010
Tuesday, September 7, 2010
Tuesday, June 1, 2010
I'm sitting here in a class full of over or under achievers. So...I'm caught in the middle. Some things i focus on more than others because some things are more relevant or important than others. Everyone knows that the blunt of western education is a joke...Most of high school is fail...We're stuffed with bullshit (ew) that we will never need. Geometry, physics, chemistry...Its dumb, seriously. I'm all for English, some history and art classes but get real! The crap we're learning is meaningless and its just taking up space. I wish it were over. I wish to move into college where things are less annoying and more meaningful. I'll finally have a control over my education and that would be excellent. But still...We're in high school. The drama. The chaos. The bullshit. The lack of control. So whythefuckisntitoveryet....This is the common feeling/saying of your last couple days of the school year. But lets move onto the point.
People...High school is almost through. The stress is almost over. Just relax a little. Sure, there is bunches left to do and worry about, but just think of this. There are two and a half months of break coming up. Omg...it tastes so sweet! We're almost out for another year. For the college kids...Your breaks may be different, but you're prolly almost out too. And I'm sure its difficult to be in college but...It ain't NUTHIN compared to high school. There are new stresses....But I can find a BUNCH that would trade them.
beGolden and BREATHE
Wednesday, May 26, 2010
Also...I tripped and fell on 3 dollars today. It was incredible! Serious luck thing workin! : ) With that money...I bought myself a coke and a big chocolate chip cookie! It wasnt a HUGE and WISE purchase...Still, it felt good.
Sometimes you just gotta live. Buy yourself something small. When you are blessed with little bits of money...If you can afford it...get yourself something. Take some money out of the money you earn and indulge! It feels great and it makes for a healthier you! Give a little back to yourself. Give a little back to yourself...It makes a big difference.
beGolden and indulge (on occasion)
The theme of indulging has come up a few times in my life, of late. I realize that I've been doing something kinda wrong. I go to the cafe and meet a friend. I cant seem to go to the art gallery with out company. I kinda have become dependent on the 'social' aspect of fun. I cant do fun things without friends quite often. So...I decided to go to a festival here in Rochester ALONE! (duh duh duuuuuuhhhh...yeah) I thought it might be a little frustrating and i thought I'd feel lonely. Instead...I had an INCREDIBLE time! I even saw some friends. It was superb. I went to a place, alone, and i made it as fun as i could...ALONE! I bought sweets and at the alone. I got myself a new pendent. I had fun with myself. That was great...The point....
Sometimes, you need to just do fun and great things for YOURSELF. Sometimes its good to just go to the library alone and sit in silence. Its good to go for a walk and absorb all that's happening around you. Sometimes its good to just enjoy yourself...So go out and have a little fun by yourself. You don't look pathetic...You're doing it for you and THAT is a great thing. So go get yourself something nice! Something BIG! Not just....well...I already used it in the title.
beGolden, laugh, smile and be happy with you!
Thursday, May 20, 2010
I've been putting a few unhealthy habits and activities to rest. Of late i know i have to focus on myself way more. I plan on going to a museum/art gallery. I'm going to see a play alone. I'm going to sit in a coffee shop and read. My life is too precious. Time to take better care, ya know? Sooo...I have a task for my readers.
You know how the doctor used to give you a sticker after your shot or whatever. You'd ask your mother why on the drive home and she'd say "If you just ate your apple a day..." or something like that. Yeah. You keep yourself out of mental hospitals if you keep time for yourself. Don't forget your apples. But don't forget your mental/spiritual health. Honor your reflection. Preserve yourself and follow one law more than any other. SELF Preservation...
beGolden and live well
Tuesday, May 18, 2010
So, I was invited to a young writers conference in New England. I was sitting in the airport and I turned to see a girl of 16 looking lost and confused. She was here for the same reason. I approached and started conversation. Friends immediately. Then, another girl with a huge pillow and blanket walked past with the same look on her face. We approached her. Friends instantly. We ate potato skins...We talked...We walked...We waited for the others to arrive. 4 New Yorkers got off a plane. 1 of which we didn't talk to. The other 2 boys and girl were friendly and sweet. We learned lots about each other. We talked the whole drive to the campus. Jokes where made..."Can't I like...exist"...(insider)...Memories were burned into us. It was a great 4 hours....a LONG great 4 hours. We arrived at the campus and we were terribly late. We settled in our rooms and later met our roommates. Mine was incredible! We hit it off immediately. I met some really gorgeous boys. Then there was ONE other black boy and i thought this loud boy would not be friends with me. I was wrong. An hour with him and we were friends. I met another boy i thought wouldn't be that good of friends with...He shall be called Mr. Sideburns on this blog...I ended up dancing with him on multiple occasions. We exchanged poetry and stories and laughs and memories. We were all writers and we were all REALLY good at what we did. We talked every night for hours...Physics, reality, history, politics....We did it all...not sex though. We started a family. We were the best. We wrote about each other...sung with one another...On the last day of the conference we woke up at 6 and sung songs and loved each other in the glow of the morning. We danced the night before and the night before. I had a crush. Relationships were formed. Gays danced....it was great.
So here's what...Don't judge books by their covers. (writing reference..lol) Everyone i met was unique and great. If i had shut myself away from everyone...It would have been so incredible. I fell in love on this trip with more than i dozen people. I started a new family. I wrote some incredible stuff. I was shaken to my core with all of these people. I cried like a baby once. None of this would have happened had i not smiled and showed myself with pride....I miss them now. And i know they miss me. So this is for you all...You all made my life so much better. I have even more people to turn to. This is my Ode to breadloaf...I love you all.
beGolden and know that i love you.
Monday, May 10, 2010
Recently i watched a short film about a boy that killed himself because he didn't feel as though he could be himself. He was a gay child and he new that it would be hard just being himself opening. So he drowned himself. Two birthrights were addressed in this short film. The right to live and be your own person and the right to die...It's wrong that in pursuit of one right, the boy chose to observe a more extreme one. It's hard for some people to simply get out of bed every morning. I, personally, know how difficult it is just to walk downtown. I fear what people could do to me because of my self acceptance. I don't like churches anymore. I know that I'm not the only one. At the same time, i never had a closet to hide in. When i realized it myself and accepted and loved myself everyone knew. I got all types of shit for it. Physical and verbal abuse in school outside...same old story..."Gay boy is harassed by peers shortly after 'coming out'..." Only I wasn't the one who killed myself and I pride myself on my strength. I wish more people were more open....Here's the point.
It's hard enough to be different in this country...this world these days. People need support. For all those who don't know...For every different person, there's someone just like you somewhere. If more people were open about it, no one would feel alone. We'd have more people to lean on. No one would ever feel completely secluded. Everyone knows how miserably i want some gay friends!! (pay me no mind...) Know that there is always someone who loves you. There is always someone who would miss you if you disappeared. Some will always need you in their lives. You keep that in mind and so will I.
beGolden and stand out
Friday, April 30, 2010
I'm sorry peoples...I've been so busy and annoyed of late. It's been a distraction. I haven't been able to write as much as i want to but i HAVE been writing. I'm sorry peoples...for i have let you down. :C...BUT THINGS WILL GET BETTER. My emotional and business bull is becoming less annoying! I'm getting a grip. Now, I have more energy and more time. Don't worry, dear(s). Jahmal B. Golden is back.
I have a to do list and its making my life sooo much better. I have a golden journal for blog post ideas. I have a stripped journal for to-do's. Try new things and stay organized. : ) It makes the world SOO much more enjoyable.
Tuesday, April 6, 2010
Quickly...I'd like to emphasize on the the things that i really find important. I've written about it before. First...A quote.
I know now that most people are so closely concerned with themselves that they are not aware of their own individuality, I can see myself, and it has helped me to say what I want to say in paint.
I know that i am VERY different from most. I have been told that i am more comfortable with myself. I have been told that i am talented and that i have a bright future about me. I use my individuality in my writing and I've been told that i am a very successful writer. I use my unique experiences, habits and POV's to help others and express myself. We are all very different from each other and everyone can contribute something to the world. The best part of contributing to the world is that you end up contributing to yourself. Your confidence swells. Your life becomes meaningful. You feel an internal transformation. Some people want everyone to be the same. They want America to be a "melting pot". They want the WORLD to be a "melting pot". Here's the point....straight from my AP English Class.
The world is not a melting pot and it will NEVER BE a melting pot simply because we are all different. The earth is more of a tossed salad. Things stick out more. Some things are more colourful and some things are smaller. Other things are out of sight. The best things are the things that look normal but taste incredible. We all have a unique flavour about us and it's the greatest thing when you share your flavour with others. It makes the world a better place. Individuality is the new assimilation. We are all great, different, beautiful people. Share yourself with the world. Add a little more colour. Stand out a little more.
Wednesday, March 31, 2010
Its the last day of March...onto the true spring. The flowers are here to stay. The trees are budding. The children have shed their coats. It's incredible. One of my teachers told me that she is amazed every year when she plants seeds in pea pots. Those specks of dust turn into living, breathing flowers and other plants. It's beautiful. Its remarkable. Its breath taking. Now...Here's the point.
Go out and observe the world grow and move beneath your feet. Go out and see the flowers bloom and the trees bud. Breathe in spring and remember childhood. Lay in the grass. Run barefoot. Be happy...It's spring. These are the days that we all must remember. These are the greatest days of our lives. The snow has melted and the earth is pulsing with energy. Feel it swirl beneath you and smile. In like a lion...Out like a lamb.