Sunday, December 27, 2009

Short post...relax and feel the breeze.

recline - to chill out...and feel the breeze

It's a beautiful, windy day. The sun is cutting through every corner of darkness around me. I was stressing out about something previously...and then i realized that i am really happy at the moment. I've had a lovely week so far...

"Today is the tomorrow that you worried about yesterday...and all is well" Refrigerator magnet....

Sometimes you just have to let go of the stressful things...if not just for a moment. Kick your legs up and watch the sun fill in all the empty, dark spaces around you. Don't let the dreariness consume your day. Be feels better than being stressed. Then you can take the stressful stuff on with ease.

Friday, December 25, 2009

letting it go....respect & tolerance....happy holidays...

tolerance - sympathy or indulgence for beliefs or practices differing from or conflicting with one's own

Yesterday...i got into new jersey with my Jewish friend Nahoma. We were driving with her grandparents to see her orthodox family. While talking about this in the car...I started to realize how many rules i had to respect and follow. I couldn't touch her aunt. I had to respect the dress of everyone in the house. I had look at myself and realize how different i would be from them. I entered the house...already scared and uncomfortable. We were greeted by Nahoma's aunt and i accidentally reached to shake her hand. She shook hesitantly and it wasn't until i sat down that i realized what i had done. Ashamed and uncomfortable...i retreated into my mind. I shut out most of what was happening around me. In the car, i noticed that i psyched myself out of a lovely gathering. I let my uncomfortability get to me and THAT was the shameful part. I opened my mouth to talk about this with the family...and i was told to let it go of the guilt. I was told the story of two old woman was crossing a bridge and a monk lifted her across it to be helpful. Later...another monk asked him how he carried a woman if he took a vow not to touch woman. The man replied...You seem to be carrying her farther than i did.

There are TWO very big points to this blog post...

1. Let things go when they aren't that extreme. Holding on to thousands of meaningless grudges and discomforts starts weighing you down. Makes you a REALLY bitter and argumentative person, among other things. Let things die because its good for everyone.

2. Be respectful and tolerant...if its killing you...we'll talk. Don't let discomfort get in the way of great opportunities either. Sure...people always going to be different than you and that can be terrifying....but don't wear it on your face at the very least. It sends out the wrong message...Diversity is what makes the world go round. Love PEOPLE as a whole...don't judge...
beGolden and have a happy holiday.

the Crush…and how it can be unhealthy

Wishful Thinking - Identification of one's wishes or desires with reality.

A lot of people dread crushes in high school for a number of reasons. Sometimes, the crush can shape who you are and make you uncomfortable being yourself. The other part of that is wanting people that don’t want you. A lot of people admit to having crushes that are completely unrealistic. The emotion that you feel from this crush is very real but actually being in a relationship with this person is very improbable. When I was in eight grade, I had my first real crush. I was 13….he was 17. Not only that but he was straight. I was stupid and got dumber every time he was in my presence. People teased me because of this crush. I didn’t care much. I was in love…I was. But it wasn’t a desirable feeling. The years past and it was time for my crush to go off to college across the country. The tears would well up. I told one of his best friends about the crush and she was supportive. She said I needed to get over it, in more words than that. Then she told him…for my sake, of course. He spoke to me and told me that I was too young for him. He didn’t mention his sexuality…I don’t remember him doing so. Nevertheless, it wasn’t meant to be. I still love him. I still wish I would have him. Most of all, I wish he would want me. I like feeling pursued. I’ve moved on though.

The point is this….Don’s waist your life on the impossibilities. It’s unhealthy. Wishful thinking is tolerable in small doses but dot let it consume you. Everyone likes to feel wanted. Everyone wants and though most of what we are is out of our control…We have to pursue the pursuable and those who want us. Want and be wanted. Love and be loved. Keep positive thoughts though. Just don’t be disappointed if you hit the stars when chasing the moon. High hopes…Just don’t get carried away. There will always be someone who wants you that you’ll want in return.

…let the children hear truth…what of fairytales?

Bitter honesty - The truth you need...but sometimes it doesn't taste so good.

A couple weeks ago, a child came out to his family and was found decapitated by his parents. Primitive…disgusting…hateful…words that come to mind. Things like this happen all the time across this planet. People are still being stoned to death, mutilated and mistreated for being different. Innocent people are killed for being who they are. What do we tell our children? Our brothers? Our sisters? We don’t. Children aren’t aware of the world we live in more often then not. They are blind to the hatred that they will soon inherit. We turn their heads. We cover their eyes. Why? Why would we let our youth grow sheltered? They will soon step out of their houses and experience the world and the shock will be blinding. Why would we want this? I believe the children should know the truth about this world.

Let the children hear truth. Let them know that though this world is full of beauty…it is also full of things that cannot be kissed away. This world is also angry and violent. Don’t let this world become a shock to the youth. It’s unfair to them. What do you believe? What would you tell your child?

Tuesday, December 22, 2009

All there is to loose...all there is to experience

To dare - People who are daring are willing to do or say things which are new or which might shock or anger other people....

There are things in life that we want to do but don't because we let fear or peer pressure get to us. Some of these things (relationships, bungee jumping...same difference) would be good for us. Sure...There are chances we take, but we're only young once. There are chances we take and odds we beat just walking outside in the morning. Taking chances makes life worth living and puts the beats in our hearts. What's there to loose? Well...a lot. Depends on what you're daring to do. There are two sides to everything. I could say, "Life is worth living!!" until my lungs collapse. Relationships and bungee jumping have dark sides. Some people might crack their heads open on the ocean floor. People might get their hearts broken pursuing someone. Then, I could say that it happens to the best of us and then i could tell you to learn something from it. These things aren't cut and dry. LIFE isn't black and white. Keep this in mind when making hard as that can be.

When you get a minute...Stop and think about your choices. Live for the day but don't forget to be rational. Know the risks and weigh out the possibilities. Don't let fear govern your actions because that makes for a sad and regretful life. Don't be one of those people who does everything and anything he/she wants to do and don't be a person who lived their lives in the shadow of fear and played it safe their whole life.

Monday, December 21, 2009

morning...meditations and such...

Self Reflection - Self-examination; introspection.

I've talked about this a lot on this blog because i really believe in it.

I woke up about an hour ago and my mother said good morning, my kitten jumped on my face and i really felt relaxed in my surroundings. 30 minutes ago i sat up in my bed and i planned out my day a little. I thought about the issues that i have dealt with yesterday or the day before. I thought about the things that i am anticipating. Now i feel like life is a little less unexpected and it might even go a little easier now. I feel as though I've seen what could go wrong and what could be fun in my day so when it happens I'm not shocked and afraid. Try it....When you wake up just sit in a quiet place and think about your day in depth. Acknowledge that something unwanted may occur. Know that everything happens for a reason so think about your past...

Meditation and Self Reflection can help make your day a little less difficult. Life has less bumps when you know the path you're treading. Take the time to think and remember. Look inward and look around you. Everything happens for a reason...know that and prosper. Practice these techniques and life will be a little your face.

P.s. Eat something in the doesn't have to be breakfast but it isn't pizza or candy or chips..the list goes on. My PSA for the day...<3

Sunday, December 20, 2009

getting in spite of the stress...

at peace - relaxed and calm in your space...

I'm not at peace at the moment. I've been stressed out about a lot of personal issues and I've been neglecting my blog. I will be working harder now that i have collected myself a little. Life gets heavy sometimes. I've stressed this before. Stuff happens that shakes you and stops progress and relaxation. This all that we have. Life comes at you in multiple different lights and you simply take what you're given and do what you think is best. I'm slipping into three bad habits right now. I'll go into further detail at another time. This post is about dealing with life and all that that means. Life can be abusive. It can slap you in the face and what do you do? You get up, brush yourself off and look at yourself and the space that you're in. Everything happens for a reason. When you loose your keys on the regular...perhaps you need to clean your room. When you feel overworked and tired....perhaps you need to take a few more naps and relax. When you find that something makes you uncomfortable every time you think about it...perhaps you need to look deep into yourself for the root of the problem.

Take time to think about yourself and your issues in depth. You might find the root and begin your progress into a better you. Life doesn't pick on you...Some constant in your life is causing you discomfort. Some things that you do or have done or have been done to you affect you negatively. Find a solution. Flourish and prosper in spite of the sting of life's whips. Live your life happy and free....put some thought into your issues. Find some peace.

Friday, December 4, 2009

Reform...or adjustment

Inefficient - Lacking the ability or skill to perform using time, energy or resources well.

My mother was in a one woman play about being a teaching artist in schools. She encounters many different students and school figures with their own unique characters and "flaws". You got to see how teachers, administrators and sentries associate with one another. It was quite realistic. School faculty can be extremely disrespectful and have the power to mistreat children and get away with it. It's stupid and it isn't helping people learn. The school also identifies the beauty of all people in spite of how 'difficult' they may seem. Teachers and school faculty often are shallow and their expectations and interpretations stop at the surface. Its upsetting. Adults in schools say that their duties are to prepare kids for the real world. Still...the teachers treat us in ways that aren't acceptable in the 'real world'. Contradictions and hypocritical behavior FESTERS in schools. They tell us not to disrespect but they, themselves, disrespect the children and their colleagues. There are MANY good teachers and faculty...but there are many bad ones too. Also...The testing and the testing and the testing and the testing. This schooling system was created for rich white boys to become successful white men. It's been the same since it was used to assimilate different peoples. It's old and played out. People have made adjustments that have helped...but the whole system needs adjustment.

Western education isn't the IDEAL form of education for most. It's stressful and inefficient sometimes. Teachers and faculty get away with a lot of crap. Students fall between the cracks. We're judged and mistreated. We need reform. Speak up against the bull. We're dealing with a lot of crap that isn't necessary. Stand up and fight it peoples...Say something or nothing will change. Lastly, don't give up hope in change. Give in to your more optimistic angels and let them take over a little. Please!! It's good for you! Like an apple a day...or chocolate when it rains...or a midnight snack. : ) Don't let the frown take over, peoples.
beGolden and optimistic

Thursday, November 26, 2009

Out of the closet...into the sun...

acceptance - The act or process of accepting...yourself, others, an idea etc.

You know EXACTLY what this post is about. In the last couple weeks I've had to look long and hard at my sexuality and how people look at at me because of it. People have said some very rude things lately and I'm aware that they always will. I've heard people say that they would kill their children if they were gay...some say that all gays are going to hell. What do i say to that? I say, you're ignorant...let me educate you. To every person who says "you chose to be gay" I ask... Did you choose to be straight? To every person who says "you're a sinner" I say...."So are you!" There are a lot of ways you can combat the anti-gay. Use the bible against them...people who are without sin can no one should be judging...Makes sense, don't it. But this isn't the point of this post...the point is security and acceptance. I've have learned to love myself in spite of what everyone says. Its a valuable shield...I accept myself and to hell with those who don't accept me. I chose to educate and those who don't accept the knowledge...well screw 'em.

People need to learn to accept themselves no matter what. They need to learn that they are beautiful and no one can take that from you. There is nothing sinful about being true to yourself and how you were made. Ignorant people can learn a thing or two from those who are different. Love yourself...educate the non-believers...step out of the closet.

Giving Thanks for Life...

thanks - An expression of gratitude....perhaps to some unknown force.

Last week I received a letter in my locker that said "Fag! You're gonna be killed on your birthday! Look out!". Frightened and worried, i ripped the letter to shreds and carried on with my day. My birthday was Friday...and i got the letter on Wednesday. I didn't think of that until i got home. Still, i refused to let a prank like this consume my week. I refused to tell people until i had a breakdown. I told a few people that i school administrators. (they don't handle school bullying well) Each person i told wanted me to have saved the letter but i physically could not keep myself stable with that letter on my person. It was terrifying and i didn't want anything like that ruining my birthday. A councilor found out about the letter through an anonymous message. I told her about it and she told me to keep on my guard and to report anything else that happened. Finally, i cracked. I broke down in one of my favorite teachers rooms...i wrote our school therapist a letter...i told two of my best friends. I felt helpless and completely unsafe and it wasn't until i spoke to one of my mentors that i truly understood what to do. My mentor told me that this might happen throughout my life and i just have to stay on my guard and not let it consume me. My birthday came...i brought in cupcakes...i smiled and laughed...nothing happened at school. Still, i was scared and i was letting it change my mood. I didn't let anything make me happy. I was gonna call it quits...go home and cover myself with a Then a very close friend took me to an interesting pub...we went upstairs...and a room full of people yelled surprise. The grin stretched across my face. That was the end of my nightmare. Now...I'm giving thanks for life, love, creativity, family, friends, and everyone who is reading this blog.

Don't let anything negative shape your whole disposition. Nothing should have that much power over who you are. Don't suffer alone...tell someone...someone you trust that you're having a problem. That letter was a sign of someones cowardice and ignorance...keep that in mind if anyone sends you some stuff like that. Lastly, give thanks between bites today. There is SOOO much to be thankful for. Have a happy holiday people. : )

Thursday, November 12, 2009

Solid is the ice i tread...

Trust - Firm reliance on the integrity, ability, or character of a person or thing.

So...I exposed some of my secrets to that boy I'm in love with. Shortly after, i thought that i was RETARDED. I thought that i was trusting someone too much. I felt as though i were making a big mistake and i shuttered at the idea. Love does very weird things to you. I felt as though he might slip up and tell someone or something. Of course, i knew he wouldn't do this but it entered my mind in spite of that. Then he said something to me that made me feel soo much better. He says that he likes when I'm vulnerable and open. That made me smile and made me take a look at myself. I realized that i hide some of my feelings from people and its not worth it. I haven't been lying or anything...i just don't expose myself to some of the people i know best. The people i love. So i decided to bet it all on trust. I trust him enough to hold my secrets and trust my best friends even more.

Trust is one of the best gifts you can give. It lets people know that you care and respect them. It makes them smile. I can't tell you when it is right to give your trust to a person. As cliche as it sounds...let your heart tell you. BLECCHH...i hate the way that sounds! But seriously people, trust is awesome. Trust SOMEONE with your secrets and your true feelings. be cautious. Make sure the ice is sturdy....

Thursday, October 29, 2009

Turning pain...into gold...

Alchemy - The art and science of transmuting one thing into another.

I believe that man's greatest achievement was turning pain and chaos into harmony, life and beauty...the act of turning pain into gold. I stumbled upon a group on facebook. TWLOHA - to write love on her arms. It's a movement where people who have cut themselves in the past make a change in their lives. Instead of putting razor or knife to wrist....they put pen to arm. They write Love. It is a reminder that no matter how bad things are and will get, Love will always be with you. This is the most beautiful thing i have witnessed thus far. Some people will think to pity her and her scarlet wrists but i don't. She is still alive...She is still walking...She is still clinging to life. This group is for people who have found love and chose IT over pain, chaos, flaw and the knife. I don't pity the girl because i know that she is still moving and that is beautiful. Not poor. Shes living in spite of that! I don't know her but i know her story. She tattooed love on her arm so that she will always have it with her. She is thriving off of love and has the will to live because of it.She like many others, are the hope i have for existence. To live in spite of the flaw in creation and to even thrive off of hope and genuine love is a skill...a great talent that some aren't blessed to have. They should be applauded. Do you understand the beauty in this? It's a movement...people who have considered suicide and instead of cuts his/her wrists she writes love.

she writes love, people.

If you know someone who has chosen pain over love, enlighten them. Teach them how powerful love is and open their eyes to the beauty around them. Lend your kindness, energy, arms, shoulders and backs to people that you have the power to save. It would be like turning suffering into gold...Teach everyone you know To Write Love On Their Arms.
beGolden in spite of the chaos

Wednesday, October 28, 2009 measure balance

Sign - an entity which signifies another entity

Ladybugs were always good luck charms for me. I think that they bring good energy to every place that they land. This might be just me...But still, I think that they can measure how balanced and healthy a place or person is. Whenever one lands on you, or sits in the corner of the ceiling in your house, that saying something. Lately, I've been seeing a lot of ladybugs...a lot have been landing on me and people i know. I have a ceiling corner full of them. My room has been a sanctuary of ladybugs! It's funny....part of me thinks this is just my superstitious ego...another part of me thinks that I'm blessed with ladybugs.

Keep your mind open...and accept blessings around you. Observe how beautiful and magical this world is. Lastly, keep balance in your life. A few powerful messages I have found in the last two weeks.

Friday, October 23, 2009

Forgiveness...and how deep it can be

forgiveness - The act of forgiving; pardon.

There is this boy that broke my heart once. He was a straight boy that was stringing me along...some closet case that needed to come out. Sadly, i was in love with him. He was this dream of have him and for him to want me. It was pathetic actually...Reflecting on it is difficult. I put up with the crap...I put up with the secret...I put up with the self hatred that went along with this (not so)relationship. It was true love....Then, as a result of some isolated drama, i realized that i hated him so much for the shit i was going through. I was done with him...I had avoided him for a while...a LONG while. Quiet as its kept (its actually not a secret) he now has a girlfriend, goes to another school, and loves it and the girl very much. He showed up at my school last month and i had a panic attack. I was bound to him by memories and aged emotions. It was tragic. Then...he tried to friend me on facebook. My response...wasn't too nice.

Its not that i don't appreciate your drive but...A. Don't you have a
girl friend now?B. What made you think to add me again today?C. Aren't you better
at being straight than bi/gay/whatever?I'll always love you a little...But as of
now, I'm healing and ignoring all of last year and starting fresh. That includes
you, Louis, hating myself because of Louis (kid who i hate), and starving myself.
I feel a lot better...and you should to. You have a new school, a girlfriend who
loves you and a shit load of friends that care about you. Enjoy your life...without the gay...or ya and hate ya,

Jahmal....P.S. feel free to respond...

He responded....He said that he was sorry. He said that he's moved on and grown out of his curiosity. Best of all...he said that he never hated me. The tears filled my eyes to the brim and i held myself for a moment. I felt relieved. I felt a lot more relaxed and i felt like i didn't loose him. We're friends now...Forgiveness is a deep thing. Some people find security in it. Some people find that forgiveness has relaxed them and relieved a great burden. Like me.


Thursday, October 22, 2009

Drowning...Mute as a rock...

Unseen - Not directly evident; invisible

Unheard - Not heard

There are people in this world prefer to alone and unseen. They stay away from crowds and streetlights...and you will never hear the sounds of their voices. There are people like this that are suffering...Peers and friends of ours who are holding their issues inside. There emotional wounds are festering and stinging. There are people who hide behind bright grins in this world that haven't exposed their true feelings as of yet. The sensation of suffering in solitude is similar to that of drowning. You don't pursue help because you think that people should know that you're suffering and help you. They don't advertise their feelings because they think that no one cares about these feelings. Some of these people don't vent...and the burden become to heavy. Some people collapse under the weight of their problems and die in solitude. This is the truth...this is reality and it hurts.

We, as humans, can be selfish things. We can think only of our problems and issues and fail to acknowledge of many flaws in humanity. We have to learn to lend out shoulders to others. We have the strength to help and save a lot of people. There are people you know that are having a very hard time with life. Lend a ear...a shoulder...a hand to hold...something. Don't just let people drown. I know that what I've said is a little heavy but we really are more capable than we acknowledge. There is so much potential in all of us...Just give a little bit. It feels good and it could help...

Short post...and how this effects you...

Drain - To deplete gradually, especially to the point of complete exhaustion

There are some people in my school that i cant be around. They suck the creativity and beauty right out of me. Wrong....I LET them suck the beauty and creativity out of me and THAT is a no-no. People suck...They do. They suck cause it's in their nature and they cant help it sometimes. Sometimes you will stumble upon people that don't reek of human cliches and that means you're really lucky. Some people may be annoying, rude, bitchy, snobby...the list goes on. The only thing that matters is how you react to them. Some people choose not to entertain their actions with a response of any kind. Some lash out and do things they regret. Others let people drain their energy. Be a person that doesn't let ignorance pollute you. Don't let anyone impact your mood negatively....Mind you, there are some loopholes in that statement, but don't let things get in the way of your happiness. Honor your reflection...

Responces...and why i've been neglecting the blog...

Neglect - To fail to care for or attend to properly

I've been ignoring the blog for a while for a lot of reasons that I will get into later in my posts. I've been inside my head. A lot of good/bad/other things have happened to me recently and I'm in a state of thinking and processing. I've been gathering ideas and venting my feelings in journals and photography... and most of all, in my writing. I've written some of my best work recently. I'm growing as an artist constantly and I'm starting to taste the clouds. I've developed a new sense of style when it comes to my fiction and poetry. I've learned new things about photography and experimented a lot. I have a boyfriend...and i cant stop stressing my love for him...its almost painful how much i appreciate his existence. I've found out new things about heart, my mind, my lustful disposition. I'm learning...pulsing with knowledge and appreciating things around me a little more than i used to. I've been wondering what it is about fall that brings out the best of me...perhaps its my love for color, death and renewal. It's making me want to change like the sun baked leaves around me. I might just be SERIOUSLY GAY. Who knows.

I've found beauty in so much lately and it's a true blessing to be gifted with all that i am gifted with. I've been absorbing all of this...I can't stress that enough. Its good to sit back and absorb the beauty around you. So try it...sit in a sun-lit room and breath in fall and beauty and your own distinct flavors. Breath in what makes you beautiful...and...

Friday, October 2, 2009

feelin the love...together through poetry

abundance - A great or plentiful amount.

So, here i am, in Toronto, for this fabulous poetry/creative conference thingy! There are people here of all colors...all unique individuals from Canada. They are all creative and inspired and (incredibly) all very nice. They are all so kind and beautiful. They're giving us love for our poetry, they're inspired and happy! They want us to come back and inspire them more. It makes me want to give more and more. They all smile...They're always joking...They're laugh and grin and they are gushing love! There is an abundance of creativity and passion in this place. It makes us want to smile more...and grin a lot...and give back the love we're receiving. We're almost recycling the love that's around us....give it back and taking it. It's the greatest feeling. Here i am in Canada....learning, inspiring and teaching while being inspired, learning and being taught. I find myself grinning while breathing in all of this love.

There are beautiful people everywhere you go. You'll find them in some of the most unexpected places! This experience has taught me to give love where ever i can because it might mean a lot to some people! Give love...receive love...recycle love... Breathe in inspiration...produce creativity...Thrive...Live....

Thursday, October 1, 2009

Like butterflies…a love story without an ending

Infatuation – bone-crushing, almost obsessive feelings…

Word of the day – Love…
Word of the month – Love…

For all those unacquainted with true love, prepare to get a detailed description
For all those who are…prepare to reminisce on your love.

I have at last been touched with this deeply rooted love and it’s heavy and smells like sunset. I’m in love with him and grow weak when talking to him. You know you’re in love when the persons words can evoke more emotion than most others you have know. You know that you’re in love when the butterfly feeling is just faint enough to tickle your insides rather than stop you from functioning. (but they can get that bad, for the record) You know you’re in love when you miss this person when he/she’s too far away and you find yourself thinking about him/her uncontrollably. Perhaps that’s just me. But I feel like I need him like air sometimes. I feel as if I can turn to him when I’m upset and I enjoy his company, his spirit, his beauty, his creativity...I love him as a whole. But…did I mention that he’s gorgeous, smart and creative? I think about him when meditating on the silence around me. It appears that he exists in the corners of my mind sometimes. He’s there when I’m shutting everything else out. I love him because I know he’ll read this and blush. I love him because I know he might disagree with the things I love about him. I love him because I can learn from him and I feel as if he might learn from me. I’m infatuated with him…and I love that I can say this.

Love is a blessing. Feeling like this is a blessing. If you have never felt like this…I pray that when you do, you think of me. I love love! I’m convinced that you will, too. If you already know this feeling….you know how a simple first timer like me feels.

Monday, September 28, 2009

I'm writing.......forgiveness

forgiveness - The act of forgiving; pardon.

I'm writing for forgiveness...
Cause it puts my mind to rest happy.
It works like no drug nor therapy.
It lightens my shoulders
and holds my head high.
It removes the shackles from my
swollen, heavy feet.
I've been running away
from my grudges.
leaves the path to righteousness
open and free to roam through.
I'm writing for forgiveness...
give it a try

I find that poetry is a very good way to express myself and my issues. I'm learning to drop my grudges because they can get heavy and meaningless sometimes. Forgiveness is magical. Give it a try...

Tuesday, September 15, 2009

"Kinky Reggae"...throwing it all away.

Alleviation - freedom from a burden/pain

My best friend and stopped at a cafe on the way to her parent's bakery. I bought a raspberry drink called a "kinky reggae". Those who don't know the reference will be shot...those who survive will be shot again. It is named after a Bob Marley song that i used to love. I hummed it as we walked downtown. Adrianna (my best friend) loved the drink as much as i did. I met her parents at the bakery. They gave me lots of baked goods out of the kindness of their hearts....good people. They showed me in cookies and breads. I'm in love...and it just might get serious. After we parted, we arrived at a very empty bridge and walked around for a bit. We thought about our pasts for a while...breakups, secrets and all that. Stumped by the pain of past affairs...we left this place and went to a playground. It was made of foam. There were two water fountains which soaked a large area and two huge slides. We stopped and ate a snack and continued talking about things we would soon forget. The laughs were memorable. We soon left this place as well...As the sun went down, we arrived back to Adrianna's temporary home by the river. She suggested that we toss rocks into the river...each rock bearing a revelation. Some rocks were things we through away and others were things we embrace.

1 rock for senseless violence...
another for for ignorance and its many faces...
another for wasting energy changing the unchangeable
another for being being a product of your circumstances
another for peer pressure
another for our self growth and a brighter future
another for putting ourselves and our well being first...
another for looking towards the positive and finding it in the dark

The last rock...was for purification and a step out of our negative experiences...

This was a ceremony for our pursuit of happiness...everyone deserves to do something like this. For some this ceremony starts with white clothing...some start with a prayer...others start with a chant or a hymn...a select few start with a friend and a kinky reggae...Let go of the things you don't need or your burdens will break you. Embrace the things you need and let go of the things you don't and the load will lesson...and it feels good.

Thursday, September 10, 2009

columbas...and all that.

I have decided to do something else that fairly new...i want to add something new everyday. I want to share some knowledge daily. Here is the word of the day...

Encounter - A meeting, especially one that is unplanned, unexpected, or brief and a few friends forgot all of our 4th grade knowledge of columbas and his discovery...and embrassed the word encounter. It seemed better fitting.

My dream was of an encounter i had today...with a hobo...he spoke of individuality and how great it was to have that. He was in the army..."no individuals there...." he said.

I remembered my trip to a beach in tobago today. I remember feeling sand and the salt of the ocean. I remembered feelings...i never do that.remember...experience..explore.

the word is encounter...
columbas, hobo's, long lost memories and all that.
remember, explore, experience...♥


Queen GodIs...and the man who stands for individuality.

Tuesday, September 8, 2009

below the surface....i am more that you know.

an expression - Don't judge a book by its cover.

People often look at others and judge them based on their covers...most people do this. This is a serious no-no. People often make assumptions based on a person appearance. It isn't fair and its actually quite rude. Don't get me wrong...I've done've done it. We all take part in unfair assumptions. The better of us are ashamed of this and try not to do it. Some of us do it cause they know what it doest to people. If you know someone who does it...hit em with one of these. "how would it make you feel?" It isn't don't do it.

There is more to people than their clothes, their skin color, their appearance. Don't judge people because of these things. Don't LET people judge you because of these things. Let people know that you aren't your clothes, hair etc. Take pride in the fact that you are more than what people see. Take pride in the fact that you are deeper than your skin. Lastly, make people see you for who you are rather than your surface.

tribute to sKINdeep from the south.

Life is an asthma attack...

Life - an asthma attack

I have a quick thing to say to all of you. Life can be awful....terrible. OMG i know how it is. I have been in terrible positions. My peers can be ass holes...i don't have the best relationship with my family. I am being judged always because of my sexuality, color, state of mind and overall behavior. I've been bullied, depressed, suicidal etc. Things like have experienced as well. Life is all that your dreams are not. But i have something that wipes the rain from my cheeks and blows the sand from my eyes. Life is an asthma attack...friends are inhalers. I have a strong body of friends that i can depend on and love with all my might. They depend on me to love them as well. I'm in love with my friends...and i think its gettin serious! Life is definitely an asthma attack. Get a strong group of friends and breathing may become easier. I know mine has....

do right by others...karma and its cruelty

karma - the effects one's actions have on their surroundings, themselves and others.

I once had a friend who did something really mean to myself and another friend of mine. He said some very cruel things to the both of us. One day...he decided to lay his hands on my friend and we told an adult about this incident. Sadly, no consiquence came to this boy. This continued for a month or two. One day...that boy came down with a case of broken nose while talking about another person. As this boy was walking away from the scene of this hate crime...he slipped and his nose met the pavement. This poor boy's nose hasnt been the same since. This boy's injury may have just been a serious coincidence....or perhaps this boy used up his good karma and some higher power ruined his face. I believe in karma and its gifts and its cruelty. To us, that boys misfortune was a good thing. To him....not so much. There is nothing worse than cosmic missfortune. Had i wished this on the boy...that would have been bad karma on my part. Celebrating...also bad karma.

We all know what karma can may not believe in it but a lot of people believe that everything happens for a reason. Try to keep your karma good and you'll receive gifts from the universe. Bad karma means negative energy. You dont have to be hindu to believe in reciprocity by the way. What goes around will always come around in some light. Keep a clean conscience through good karma. Prevent bad from coming to you through possitive actions. Keep this in mind!

Burdens...and why you're not one...

Burden - something oppressive or worrisome...

One of my friends considered himself a burden in the eyes of his family. He felt ungrateful and unworthy of his parent's love. He often worries about his parents more than he does for himself. He considered himself a burden because he wants to help as much as he can and doesn't think his efforts are significant. Hearing this struck me hard far a few major reasons.

1. This friend of mine is the nicest, sweetest, most giving friend i have.
2. I know his help and company is appreciated in the house he lives in.
3.I love this friend so entirely..and i hate to hear words like these come out of anyone's mouth. Especially his..

In an effort to show him how wrong he was..i flipped the script. I reminded him that his parents love him. If they knew that he felt this way, they would feel terrible. Many teens many feel this way sometimes. I definitely know how it feels and its frustrating. To those who feel unworthy of the lives they were blessed with I say; Burdens are free loaders and unwanted company. If you weren't wanted/loved then you wouldn't be here...I'm very sure that you aren't one of those. If I'm something about it. Give more and more will come to you. Minor things can make a mother's day. Know that your parents love that you love them back.
beGolden andlet tbe weight lesson

Friday, September 4, 2009

New Beginnings....

Refresh - To renew by stimulation...

I just started school again. Its the beginning of 11th grade for me! So excited. You don't even know. I've been neglecting my blog actually. I wrote a bunch of posts and i haven't typed them yet. I'll get on that trust me. On to the message. I've put up with tons of crap during high school and I'm sure you have too. But trust me...It gets a lot better. I can leave the school for lunch now. I have an incredible schedule with awesome classes. Best of all...i have new friends and loving old ones. But still...i feel a tad empty. I need to change a few things to make this year better than past ones. I plan on striving for excellence this year and i'9m sure its possible. Anything's possible.

New years mean new possibilities. New possibilities means new choices. Make a conscience effort to be incredible. Try for excellence. New year means fresh new beginnings. Take advantage of this opportunity. I know i will....

Sunday, August 2, 2009

After...and the questions we're still asking.

Stability - The state or quality of being stable.

Some people wonder about death...what lies beyond the white light? Its our duty as humans to answer this question. We're searching for stability in this world....always questioning and figuring. We cant fathom "nothing". We cant accept that there is nothing after we depart. We turn to religion, science and gut feelings to fill in the "nothing" we're avoiding. There are thousands of ways to look at death...but we cannot fear it. We cannot turn our heads that the thought of death. If your idea of death strikes you with fear...change it. There are so many options. I wrote the following poem to open my eyes and others to the different ways of looking at death. I hope this sheds some light at on the topic at hand for someone.
beGolden without fear...

In Awe of Death
Jahmal B. Golden

We cannot banish dangers, but we can banish fears.
We must not demean life by standing in awe of death. ~David Sarnoff

A burning bullet
pierces the physical,
shatters the mental
and leaves the spirit
loose and free
to roam.

A person...lost.
The day is tainted
with fear and confusion.
It’s been
forty eight hours.

A happy day.
A home-coming
ceremony in silence.
And tears of joy.

A soul
sent into another vessel.
A cycle continues.
A Hindu dream

A new story.
A voyage to the depths.
A calm float
down the river Styx.

A roaming spirit.
A night walker,
wishing for peace,
praying to a deaf god.

A buried body
replaced with a tree.
A soul released and
a trip to Xibalba.

Reciprocity at last,
a murderer’s demise.
A boy smiles
As he falls into hell.

Light bulbs die,
I shall depart
says the women.
Her eyes
not yet sodden.

A soul
becomes one
with the river.
Says the elder
There is no death.

A century
of wrinkles.
A story
in the folds.
She sits
on her porch.
A bottle in her fist.

Saturday, August 1, 2009

short post....and how this affects the blog...

beginnings - The act or process of bringing or being brought into being; a start

This will be brief....

I will be doing a few short posts every so often when i feel as if my topic cant be expanded on without becoming redundant. Forgive me if you find this pointless. Sometimes thoughts race into my head and i have to write them out. Sometimes these thoughts are pointless and other times they can be...productive. In conclusion to this tiny bit here, i will do this sometimes. Don't be alarmed. Tell your friends....

I had a very stressful week. Some of my friends are having a few issues and came to me for some clarity. Sometimes, instead of removing issues from my friends, i adopt them. I stress myself out over a minor issue of my own. Then someone else has a problem and that becomes my newest problem. At this point in my life....i have a collection. The sad this is...I'm not the only one. My point is this - remember to breathe. Try not to adopt the problems of others if it isn't necessary. That isn't me being a hypocrite. That's just me trying to help as much as i can.

Wednesday, July 29, 2009

sweets, leg warmers....and a blanket with memories in the stitching...

Comfortability - being in a state of physical or mental comfort; contented and undisturbed; at ease

for those who have had shitty days....

We've been there. We've had days when all we really want is an AK47 and a clear shot from a roof top. We've had days when violence should be the answer. The shitty ones. The days when the sun isn't enough to warm you and the flowers aren't as bright as they were yesterday. We've felt this way during every season and some of us have handled it the wrong way. Some of use have broken things...some have hurt others...themselves. What is the right way to handle grief? We all are examples that humans adapt to situations that they are confronted with. When put in a spot of stress and anger, we have found ways to adapt according to our needs. We resort to a certain behavior that makes us feel safe and comfortable. Some of us have adapted to negative habits that may be harmful to there selves and others. Others have found positive ways to cope with the tough days. For example...during the winter (cause I'm a fall/winter baby)...I have days when the stillness of the frosty cold is to much. For those days...I put on a huge sweater, some gym shorts and find some leg warmers. I find something sweet to eat...and I rap myself with a blanket that I've had for years. Between bights of whatever I'm eating at the time...i am reflecting on the memories that sit in the blanket I'm in. I let my tension fall into the schemes. Then...i turn on a movie and drift into bliss.

Most people dont do that exactly. Some people write...some people read...some people stack crackers with jam and eat them standing up while reading fashion magazines. You never know. Adapt to your stress and find a healthy habit to fall into whenever you are feeling low. Drop negative energy by starting a new cycle. When in doubt...chocolate works miracles. (: Just tryin ta make ya post at a time. Let me know if its working

Tuesday, July 28, 2009

like...ya know.

Conviction - A fixed or strong belief

See that vocab note up there? Speak with some. American children everywhere have somehow forgotten how to fabricate honest statements without a hint of uncertainty at the, ya know. Its getting stressful hearing the "like"s all the time. They have been know to pop up at school, at the dinner table and especially at the mall. Its getting tiring having to have this very talk with more than half of my school on a regular basis. It gets ridiculous having to count the likes during second period. One of my favorite poets had this to say in a group peace entitled Silence. "When ever you speak from somewhere that isn't your heart you are mute to me!" I'm not telling my readers to ignore everyone that says like after everything...but i am thinking it a little loudly, ya know. I just want people to put into consideration that no one takes people seriously if they don't know what they're talking about. A lot of people really don't know what they are talking about when they say like, and it shows. Others just choose not to speak as if they know anything because everyone else is, like, doing it. People write whole poems about the lack of conviction in our youths speech these day. Another one of my favorite poems wrote a poem entitled Speak with Conviction. His name is Taylor Mali (Please check it out).

I have this to say. Speak with a little confidence in what you are saying or else no one will care. The only people that will care are the people that do it themselves. Teens make themselves sound really special unintentionally. Just acknowledge your verbal habits. That's all i ask. Then choose to act on them. Like, that might help.

I feel as if I'm just attempting to help people work on themselves so that they don't go through the hell that some kids did. Just helpin' people grow a little, one post at a time.

Friday, July 17, 2009

a responce of sorts.....your sacred self

I push the subject of beauty in all shapes and sizes. Its something that i have a strong feeling for. I have a passion for making people see how beautiful they reallly are. Beauty is beauty and its all around us. I feel bad for everyone that disagrees....

I have already pushed this point in blog form, but i wrote a poem about it a while ago. I hope you enjoy it. This is about breaking free from the self hate that plagues many teens in america. This poem is dedicated to everyone that stuggles with self hatred as a result of the people they associate with, the media around them, and the society they live in. Strive to help people see themselves as beautiful. It could save a life....


I Change For Myself
Jahmal B. Golden

I wrote a mirror,
and identifies myself.
Lost in my own eyes
I recalled my beauty
and smiled.
I wrote a mirror
and realized
that i had no flaws.
I plucked them off
in my mind...
let them hit
the holy ground
upon which i was standing.
i grinned.
At last,
I had found my beauty.
My inner god.
At last,
I recognized the radiance
of my ego
and am now at rest
with my

Tuesday, July 14, 2009

he loves me....decisions, decisions.

To Decide - The passing of judgment on an issue....coming to a conclusion.

People ask me what to do sometimes. They ask me how to decide on something that is troubling them. Sometimes its very difficult to determine how to decide for them. In an effort to avoid making the wrong choices Check Spellingfor this person and to allow this person to learn from their own actions and the best ones for themselves....i tell them to make a list. I tell them to weigh out the good and the bad in a situation...then they are free to pass judgment. If the negative out ways the good in a harsh and take the direct route. Do anything to get out of that situation.l...almost anything. If the good out ways the bad then do what may be best for you. Choose the path that caters to the positive. This is a good habit to get into. Its completely un-bias. It helps you see a little clearer when you're really in a foggy position. It gives a little more clarity to situations that may be influenced by emotion.

The decisions you make can change color depending on the light and tomorrow may be brighter than yesterday. Try making a list next time you are stuck in a situation. It may help. Don't let your emotions govern the way you think. But try to follow your heart.

Ever Thine.....

Love - A deep and tender feeling of affection towards another person....

Love is proof that there is a such thing as magic. We fall waist deep in it for the first time and it feels like the most beautiful thing ever. The luckier ones feel like they're floating. But some of us....not so much. Thinking about someone you love can feel like a weight on your heart. the very thought can stop you mid-stride. This is the plight of love to some. The first love will always be with you,...good or bad. It can leave you feeling butterflies in your chest or a thorn in your heart. Stay with me and Ill give you the point. Some of us are blessed to fall in love with someone and it works out for the best. Some of us are blessed to fall in love with someone if it were written in the stars. Another portion of us fall in love with someone...and it seems like it was written simply in beach sand. Some love meets the ocean waves while others are just out of reach. Its a risk we all take. Some love seems well done and then the cracks begin to show. We commit to relationships in pursuit of love....and it breaks in our arms...and scares us forever. Some of us rush into love and cling to it even when the paint peels....I experienced a love that could exist. I fell in love with someone so entirely that it hurts to think about it to this day. I fell deeply in love with someone that loved me as well...and still he couldn't love me. He was too unsure about love and couldn't bring himself to do it. So now, i think about this person rarely now. It hurts to much...

Love is fragile and can shift with the wind. Be sure and take care of the love you have. Know that life is full of almost and could be's. Life is full of don't make heartbreak the end of the world. Learn from past mistakes and grow as a result of them. For those in love....power to you.

Saturday, July 11, 2009

Dedication to the ignored....Lockers.

I haven't been keeping up continuity lately...some things have been troubling me but i know that they will soon pass. I understand that it isn't fair to my viewers not to see anything of me depending on my mood. So i am making a change. I wont be giving you a lecture every night through my posts but i will leave you something. I am as much of a poet and story teller as i am a blogger. My story teller and poetic abilities almost come out in my blogging. So i think that it'd be a little more fair to leave you with a little poetry or a story every now and then. Fair? Let me know.

This poem is dedicated to everyone that has been mistreated and abused in the "safe" walls of a school building. It goes out to everyone that has been hit, cursed out, made fun of, disrespected and/or ignored in the buildings that are supposed to be second safest in our lives. This poem is entitled Lockers and it most importantly goes out to everyone that has committed suicide due to said abuse.

I am there,
despite your lack of observation.
Passing shadows
only scare me a little.
Touch me not.
around my unknown existence.
Pass me by without acknowledgement.
I am painted into these tiles.
And when the young drag their
highlighters on the walls,
I scream.
Cause I am here.
I will stay here,
locked away in cemented flooring.
The children march over me,
And I wait,
for something

Wednesday, July 8, 2009

Future, Friends and Poetry ....keeping afloat.

Nevertheless - In spite of that; nonetheless; however

I've been pissed off and stressed for a while. The universe is being unkind. The fat lady has yet to stop singing, but I'm getting stuck with her dishes. I'm pissed off. So many things are happening right now and its just frustrating and I crack under pressure. Energy around me is scattered and fast paced and I don't do well inside situations like this. I'm sure many people have found that when they're stressed to the max they don't even work well. They don't function the way they normally do and everyday things can be TRES difficult. I am that times maybe 3 on a good bad day. But I find a way to cope though. In spite of the randomized BS that comes in and out of my life, I can balance myself with three very important things to me. Friends, Future, and Poetry. These are all things I adore in life. They aren't as literal as one might think as well. By Future, I mean all that i strive to become. All that i want to be. All that I know I CAN be. Everything that I aspire to be...everything that i want to love in the future. Everyone that i want to remember. By friends, I mean everyone that i love, everyone that I WILL love and everyone that I have once loved. By poetry, I mean my art. My writing and my photography. By poetry, I mean my vivid imagination and NEED to create. By poetry, i mean my creativity and all that falls under that.

I have my Friends, my Future and my Poetry. Things that keep me moving when the weight of the world is slowing me down. Trust me, things get stressful. Nevertheless, i have these things. Everyone has something that keeps them afloat. Some look at pictures. Some look at mirrors. Some write their names repeatedly and find beauty in them.

Tuesday, July 7, 2009

missing 11:11

Wishful Thinking - Identification of one's wishes or desires with reality.

I wish at 11:11 nightly. Its a thing that i do. I don't remember where i picked it up....i don't know the "deep" meaning of it. i kinda just do it for me. I'm in love with the concept of it. It fascinates me that there is a minute in time where magic is possible. I wish for big and small things alike. Its just a little small thing i do. I also like to wish on my eyelashes. Its a strange habit of mine as well. I picked that up from an old friend in elementary. Strangely enough i know a lot of people that do it. Wishing at magical minute length times and dead hair is something i do with hopes that my wishes come true. Honestly, I believe that if i wish hard enough, my wish will come true. Its just something i do to stop myself from working hard to achieve my goals sometimes. We all do it. We hope to god that something will get done without us putting in the work. We ignore the laws of equivalence. You get what you put in....and wishes don't count for much. I do it because I'm a PRO-crastinator. I get frustrated with myself and just wish my worries away. Its a habit. I missed 11:11 tonight. I call that a wake up call.

Put in some effort. Wishing your problems away is a waist of energy and wishing. It's unrealistic and its a cop out. Today i decided to put in more work than i do sometimes. Its a realistic way to get work done. But....11:11 is still a little magical. A wish a night wont hurt. Just try not to depend on a minute of magic.

Monday, July 6, 2009

Times, they are a find a life preserver

Relief - The easing of a burden or distress, such as pain, anxiety, or oppression

Thank you all for following. I have been incredibly lazy lately. Its sad. I was writing little notes and gathering new inspiration. I forcing a lot of my readers to follow the damn blog (thanks again). I was complaining, getting pissed off and stressing. But its all out of my system now. And I'm ready to write. Just so you know, the Icelandic music helped a lot. It may be slightly emo but it sure as hell helps. The best part is that I've been soaking in this song about a boy lost at sea. Its beautiful and it helps me think. This song is there whenever I'm pissed off or stressed about some bull. I wish i had this music during the school year, ya know. I hardly feel stressed out when listening to it. I was drowning in a sea of bitchassness before i got to my emo Icelandic music. Now, i have a life jacket. And it feels fabulous. By the way, i know you might be thinking that I'm going on about some band that you've never heard of. But there is a point.

Here it is, I'll leave you with this.
Times get shitty. Slow summers can be a drag and so can stressful school years. A lot of people find themselves drowning in school work and stress. But there is always a life jacket if you search hard enough. Find something that you can always go back to. Something that can clear your mind and relax you. Meditation can be extremely helpful. I have my emo Icelandic music. Keeps me afloat. What about you? Find your life preserver. Comes in handy sometimes. ++

I added a bunch of new shit for you to use. Comment on EVERYTHING!! I will be monitoring. I really want to read what you all think. Much love to my readers. ;)

Tuesday, June 30, 2009

To whom it may concern....

Binge -A period of unrestrained, immoderate self-indulgence.

Lately...I've been kinda lazy....well...not really. I have a list of new topics that I'm giving more thought to. I don't want to give you my opinion unless i put a lot into consideration...I have you all in I plan on just spilling all of my topics out for all of you to read. But i have a bit of a request....I was hoping that everyone that reads the blog gets an account. I really want to hear you all out to the fullest. Get and account and follow me....i wont lead you anywhere dark and scary. Another thing...Tell you're friends about me and my blog. Honestly, i want to see if anyone else appreciates my work. I really LOVE everyone that's reading my work. It just makes me feel really good. Tell people that might think this is cool...and no bad comments....i bite.

Friday, June 26, 2009

kick it...

Habit -A recurrent, often unconscious pattern of behavior that is acquired through frequent repetition.

I bite my fingers....sick right. I even think its gross. But its a habit. I chew at them and bite my nails off...i quit every once and a while but it all ways comes back. I'm recycling my old habit. They say that in 21 days you can form a habit. Logically it takes that long to replace one bad habit with a good one. I try that sometimes....but i always seem to fail. Its depressing at times but it seems like i only do it when I'm stressed. Its like my trigger. So...when the stress is on...the biting starts. It seems like I'm rambling but there's a point to this. There are worse habits to get into, and most people between 13-17 fall into some very typical teen related bull. Each day, nearly 6,000 children under 18 years of age start smoking; of these, nearly 2,000 will become regular smokers. That's almost 800,000 annually. 18.8 percent of underage drinkers are binge drinkers and 6 percent are heavy drinkers. It takes 21 days to start a habit...even ones as negative as these. You start when you're younger but with age comes more suffering. They just get worse and worse as you get older.
Kick or never.

I have a bad habit too. There are very negative effects this could have on me...but I'm trying to kick it. If you have a bad habit...try your best to break it...god forbid it get worse. Then what?

Thursday, June 25, 2009

Jackets...some news coverage, please.

Praise -Expression of approval, commendation, or admiration.

Breaking news - Three teens shot by other teens...and there was something about art.
Breaking news - A teen was caught mugging an old lady...and then there was a dance off or something.

Teens deserve something other than the bad stuff. We, as teens, are given a bad rep...we're the hell raisers on the radio and on the news. Someone near my age beat the hell out of a police officer. The same day, a group of teens fund raised for homeless kittens, and such. Of course, that last part wasn't real but that's what happens. We don't get good press because there's to much bull happening elsewhere. 200 hundred kids protest budget cuts in Rochester but the whole damn world stops cause some low-life decides to steal some candy from a Spencer's. Frankly, I'm sick of it. We deserve so much more cause we're sooooooooooo interesting and unique. We're artists and leaders and we don't get on the news because the news focuses on the BS.

I know a group of teens that are agents of social change, some poets, some dancers, some just speakers. They are the ones that should be on the news. They are the ones that should be getting the press. Not the ignorance. Until the ignorance leaves the T.V. screens, show your community that you're not a hell raiser. There is a generation of beauty evolving right now. Someone should be living up to that. We all should be. I am. And behind me are thousands. Join the crowd...we have jackets.

Tuesday, June 23, 2009

Dancing in Your Room...

Normal -The usual or expected state, form, amount, or degree.

That's the definition that I don't agree with.

Jahmal's Normal - What feels natural.

People alter their natural selves to fit into the first definition. They believe that the "norm" is the only way to go. Teens that don't fit the "norm" or the expected stereotypes of a teen are "weird". I've stated in the past that i am not normal by the first definition. I try to go with what feels natural, and it feels lovely. Sure, people like to pick fun at me because I'm the weird one. I don't fit in because i don't follow the stereotypes and that's what makes me good-old Jahmal. People love me because i don't fit in...because I'm not a stereotype...because I'm not "normal". I think that people should join the church of Jahmal's Normal. It feels a lot better and if you follow in my fit in! You fit in with the people that are proudly individual. Our church wears bright colors, dances to fast music in our rooms and stand out in a crowd of normal people. And it feels lovely.

I've said this before...I've pushed this point repeatedly. Don't be afraid to be the odd-ball. Don't be the one caught wearing what everyone else is wearing. Dance wildly in your room and speak up. The ones that stand out are the ones that make this world diverse and colorful. Pick a side...gray or neon. If you find a way to stay in the middle...let me know. I might try that on for size. Diversity makes the world a little less simple. Diversity makes everything better. Wear your individuality well. It makes you YOU! Honor your reflection by looking different from your neighbor.

Monday, June 22, 2009


Euphoria - A feeling of great happiness or well-being.

I had a lovely day today. After finishing my last exam of the year i decided to do something with a couple friends. While my friends were still testing, i saw some lovely things around me. I saw old crushes and hugged people I've never hugged before. I saw a girl holding a stray kitten with mitten paws ^_^. I saw other really great friends. I saw the clouds move in front of the sun at the right time. A pause in the heat and then it came back win it was needed again. My friends finally arrived and we went to a museum only to find that it was closed. Its alright. We talked about sweet nothing for an hour and waited for our entourage to be complete. Last friend came and an old friend walked by. We discussed lunch like adults...choosing only the best place for it. We walked for a while and arrived at our new hangout. We entered only to hear a waiter tell us that we were expected. Bright smiles lit on our faces as we sat and discussed and ate and drank. We joked and grinned until the plates were empty. We left and stopped in a chocolate shop. Let the chocolate be digested. Shortly of our friends left. He departed with smiles and soft words. We continued to just be teens...joking about all the wrong things that felt right. We walked to familiar places to talk...still joking of course. The day couldn't have been better. Sadly, we had to split up once with two others while another sat on her stoop and waved us sweet goodbyes. We walked and talked words of wisdom and creativity back and forth...passing trees as old as they come. Then we arrived at my stop...a simple goodbye and a hug for two. I crossed a street slowly...and crashed. Not physically...not dramatically...just felt to euphoria slip from me.

When i get extremely euphoric and all i can do is smile, i sometimes witness myself slip into a temporary depression. It's gotten so bad that i cant remember the feelings of happiness i had once felt. When it's always a bit of a shock. I don't really know what to do with myself. POINT - Some people are like this all the time, and you might have the power to change that. I hope that most people would help a friend through depression just on instinct....but if there's someone else...why not help them too? The point of this post is building relationships with people and looking after each other. When i noticed myself slip from euphoria...i called a friend that i knew would help. Those bond are the ones that really matter...make a couple. It's just the right thing to do. Be a shoulder to lean on and you might just be set for life.

Sunday, June 21, 2009

Relationship battles...and why they're stupid.

Mature - Of, relating to, or characteristic of full development, either mental or physical...see grow the hell up...

Relationship feuds. When your friend, or someone in general, comes at you and goes all "I hate your boyfriend! He doesn't deserve you." There are two sides to this that i have to touch on. (This post is about conserving energy) First off, don't waste your energy arguing someone down about YOUR relationship. If they don't like it, they need a life...or a job or something. Don't match their ignorance by challenging them. If you react in the negative, you lose have the battle...true story. Secondly, don't go at someone about their relationship. Its dumb and a serious waste of time and energy. If you really hate them, keep it in your head. Keep it cute...or put it on mute. End of discussion. (this post was inspired by some serious drama that went down today so, bear with me)

Have seen this sort of thing. Some of us have been victims of it. Some of us have even carried out such ignorance in their lives. Just know that its too much. Its just starting and continuing drama and we have enough of that in the world as it is. If you're taking time out of your life to hate on someone elses relationship then you need another hobby. That's just how it is. If its that bad, keep it in your head. Most people learn this in first grade and forget upon entering junior high. This post is dedicated the people that forgot what maturity is. Be aware of your actions..

Saturday, June 20, 2009

Under pressure...

Judgment - The act or process of judging; the formation of an opinion after consideration or deliberation.

I'm not going to be speaking about David Bowie. I simply want to give another positive message. Peer don't it. Upon entering high school, some parents give the other talk. The one about the dangers of high school. Some get this at an earlier age. Regardless, peer pressure is always on "the talk" menu. God forbid you get bewitched by the stoners and/or sexually active cool kids and/or party junkies. In all happens. We move into a new environment and get persuaded to do all types of things by the people we trust. It just happens sometimes. Peer pressure may be a cliche...but it isn't a joke. Tons of kids develop very dark habits with their peers. They may not have wanted to in the beginning, but that's where the pressure thing comes in. When kids say "They made me do it!" - Peer Pressure. Also when someone goes "Everyone else is doin it!" - Peer Pressure. Parents should really take that into consideration. There are ways to avoid being sucked into this annoying stereotype.

1. Stay away from the kids with bad habits unless you're trying to help them.
2. Have a strong sense of who you are.
3. Talk to someone if you're under pressure.
4. Know your boundaries.
5. Let people know what your boundaries are.

Peer pressure, again, is a cliche. Don't become a cliche. If you sense that you're under pressure, snap back to reality and reinforce your boundaries on yourself and your peers. Stick with the friends that don't have destructive habits. Keep a strong sense of self and that will be one less issue on your place. Just try to
beGolden - cause you are.

Friday, June 19, 2009

Like oil...

Tolerance - The capacity for or the practice of recognizing and respecting the beliefs or practices of others.

Today, on a walk, i was called a faggot. I was stared at and mocked by a group of people that i didn't even know. I asked one of my old friends if they hated gay people. He wondered why i asked and i told him that i was gay. I told him about the people and what they said and he gave me a very important life lesson. The people that beat you down either fear you or envy you. This is something that you're told repeatedly but this time it really sunk for me. This man disregarded that i was gay. He told me that if I felt alright with who i am then everyone that doesn't approve doesn't matter. He pointed out the people that i encountered earlier and told me, bluntly, that those men aren't doing anything with their lives. They are destined to either die or go to jail because they make the wrong decision on the regular. To get home, i walked the same way that i came. Only this time, i was like oil and their words were water.

Somehow, people that hurt you know that you're better than them. Somehow, humans give off an energy that effects everyone they encounter. If your glow is too bright then someone will try break you down. Its sad and true. But today, i learned that words don't hurt if you let them roll off of you. Let your glow burn bright in spite of what haters say. Don't give them the honor of breaking you down. If someone is trying desperately to hurt you, take it as a compliment. You're so great that people around you can feel it. You're haters are just jealous of your glow. Let their ignorance roll off of you.

Thursday, June 18, 2009

Your Sacred Self...

Sacred - Worthy of respect; venerable.

Self hate is a disease. It's effecting just about 85 - 90% of teens in America. We all are victims of a society that has very specific "beauty" requirements. The thin, clear skinned girl and/or boy that we see on the commercials and in the magazines. The advertisements that scream "you're ugly" to everyone that sees them. We all may not show it in the same way, but we all are effected by them. Some of us just silently question our own beauty. Some of us hurt ourselves. Some of us try our hardest to be what they see on t.v's when NO ONE looks like the people you see in magazines. Read that line again....not only is it true but it is jam packed with alliteration. The "beautiful" people we see on commercials are air-brushed to hell and emaciated. There's no beauty in being transparent. The people we see in the fashion magazines look just like the people lying on hospital beds, dying of malnutrition. That's the beauty that some people are trying force on themselves. Is it worth it. If you know someone like this, shake them and tell them how beautiful they are until you're crying. I've done that before. A friend of mine had trouble seeing how gorgeous she was. I had to stop her one day and force her own beauty on her. I got emotional. I think that my tears finally made her realize. Today, she doesn't even look at fashion magazines. Telling someone that they're beauty might change their life and even save it. If you see the signs, act on them.

For those that don't think that they're beautiful, know this. Beauty is everywhere. Everyone is born beautiful. Honor your own reflection by loving yourself entirely. Beauty is whats in the mirror. You're sacred, by the definition above. So start acting like it. If you know someone that doesn't know that they're sacred...let em know. You never know how much it could help them. Tell 'em to

Wednesday, June 17, 2009

dodging bullets...and other unfortunate things.

Fair - Consistent with rules, logic, or ethics...

Life isn't that definition up there. Its true and you know it. We all have had those days, weeks, months, years where we have been repeatedly slapped in the face with this truth. We move on and later...another slap. Life has guns of grief and we all wish that we could dodge bullets. Life is not pixel perfect. Life isn't sugary and sweet all the time. There's a lot to get pissed about in this reality. We all see it. It's every time you drop something tasty that you were eating. It's every time you were dumped and every time you burned something. It's every sucky experience you've had that you wanted to blame on a god that you probably don't even believe in. The fair life that you might see on t.v. or read in books doesn't exist. But there's a lovely thing about that. In spite of the fact that life can suck ass (for free might i add), there is a bright side. In every turn of fate, there is something to learn from it. Yeah, yeah...i know. That sounds like some bull because sometimes it doesn't appear that there's a lesson. Sometimes the lesson is simply that life isn't fair so you should stop crying and get used to it. If you look hard enough at every situation that you're in, there is definitely something to learn. It can be very complex and it might take you a while, but its there. If there wasn't a reason for everything then scientist would be out of a job. There's a lesson to be learned in every situation and some good to follow the learning of that lesson. You just have to open your eyes and be patient.

Take your time and take in the beauty of every moment...even the sucky moments. Take time to meditate about your day, see if there is anything to be learned or anything that could have been changed to make it better. Work on yourself and you'll see life ease by a little more. Life might even slap a little lighter. Learning to learn from your mistakes is bankable. That's the truth...

Tuesday, June 16, 2009

The Birds, Bees and other unrelated things....

Taboo - A ban or an inhibition resulting from social custom or emotional aversion.

I'm not going to give you the talk....I merely want to discuss something completely natural and yet hushed in society. Sexuality....Humans are one of the most sexual things on this earth. We have sex (as a race) just for the hell of it while animals have sex with the purpose of procreating. We have invented countless ways to do it...most inspired by animals. We have done things sexually (again, as a race) that no animal would even think to do. So here's a very bone-crushing question. Why can't we (as a race) talk about sex openly without feeling gross and uncomfortable? It's just baffling how we (as a race) can do all types of weird and "only human" things and not talk about it. Talking about sex with a friend can be as awkward as telling your mother that you killed a man? Why is it that we can't get over how natural sex is? We (as youth) have been brought up to think that discussing sex is inappropriate and disrespectful. So we move into adult hood thinking that other children shouldn't feel comfortable talking about sex. Its more inappropriate hushing a child that has a question about sexuality. I was under the impression that i could talk to my peers about sex....but apparently, some people my age haven't grown out of that phase of awkwardness. Am i right to find this strange?
How do you feel about it? Let me know.

In the mean time, i give you this. I believe that sex and sexuality is natural. People that don't shouldn't have it. If you cant talk about it...don't partake in it. Don't make it taboo if you aren't mature enough to discuss it yourself. Don't bash children for having questions, don't hate them for being curious. Try understanding..and look in the mirror.