Wednesday, May 26, 2010

not just chocolates...cont.

Indulge - We already covered this...

Also...I tripped and fell on 3 dollars today. It was incredible! Serious luck thing workin! : ) With that money...I bought myself a coke and a big chocolate chip cookie! It wasnt a HUGE and WISE purchase...Still, it felt good.

Sometimes you just gotta live. Buy yourself something small. When you are blessed with little bits of money...If you can afford it...get yourself something. Take some money out of the money you earn and indulge! It feels great and it makes for a healthier you! Give a little back to yourself. Give a little back to yourself...It makes a big difference.
beGolden and indulge (on occasion)

not just chocolates...

Indulge - To allow oneself unrestrained gratification.

The theme of indulging has come up a few times in my life, of late. I realize that I've been doing something kinda wrong. I go to the cafe and meet a friend. I cant seem to go to the art gallery with out company. I kinda have become dependent on the 'social' aspect of fun. I cant do fun things without friends quite often. So...I decided to go to a festival here in Rochester ALONE! (duh duh duuuuuuhhhh...yeah) I thought it might be a little frustrating and i thought I'd feel lonely. Instead...I had an INCREDIBLE time! I even saw some friends. It was superb. I went to a place, alone, and i made it as fun as i could...ALONE! I bought sweets and at the alone. I got myself a new pendent. I had fun with myself. That was great...The point....

Sometimes, you need to just do fun and great things for YOURSELF. Sometimes its good to just go to the library alone and sit in silence. Its good to go for a walk and absorb all that's happening around you. Sometimes its good to just enjoy yourself...So go out and have a little fun by yourself. You don't look pathetic...You're doing it for you and THAT is a great thing. So go get yourself something nice! Something BIG! Not just....well...I already used it in the title.

beGolden, laugh, smile and be happy with you!

Thursday, May 20, 2010

An apple a day....

Self-Preservation - the act of preserving one's self...first law of nature.

I've been putting a few unhealthy habits and activities to rest. Of late i know i have to focus on myself way more. I plan on going to a museum/art gallery. I'm going to see a play alone. I'm going to sit in a coffee shop and read. My life is too precious. Time to take better care, ya know? Sooo...I have a task for my readers.

You know how the doctor used to give you a sticker after your shot or whatever. You'd ask your mother why on the drive home and she'd say "If you just ate your apple a day..." or something like that. Yeah. You keep yourself out of mental hospitals if you keep time for yourself. Don't forget your apples. But don't forget your mental/spiritual health. Honor your reflection. Preserve yourself and follow one law more than any other. SELF Preservation...
beGolden and live well

Tuesday, May 18, 2010

have you ever been shaken?...Ode to Breadloaf.

Ode - a poem written to a person or thing...only this isn't a poem...

So, I was invited to a young writers conference in New England. I was sitting in the airport and I turned to see a girl of 16 looking lost and confused. She was here for the same reason. I approached and started conversation. Friends immediately. Then, another girl with a huge pillow and blanket walked past with the same look on her face. We approached her. Friends instantly. We ate potato skins...We talked...We walked...We waited for the others to arrive. 4 New Yorkers got off a plane. 1 of which we didn't talk to. The other 2 boys and girl were friendly and sweet. We learned lots about each other. We talked the whole drive to the campus. Jokes where made..."Can't I like...exist"...(insider)...Memories were burned into us. It was a great 4 hours....a LONG great 4 hours. We arrived at the campus and we were terribly late. We settled in our rooms and later met our roommates. Mine was incredible! We hit it off immediately. I met some really gorgeous boys. Then there was ONE other black boy and i thought this loud boy would not be friends with me. I was wrong. An hour with him and we were friends. I met another boy i thought wouldn't be that good of friends with...He shall be called Mr. Sideburns on this blog...I ended up dancing with him on multiple occasions. We exchanged poetry and stories and laughs and memories. We were all writers and we were all REALLY good at what we did. We talked every night for hours...Physics, reality, history, politics....We did it all...not sex though. We started a family. We were the best. We wrote about each other...sung with one another...On the last day of the conference we woke up at 6 and sung songs and loved each other in the glow of the morning. We danced the night before and the night before. I had a crush. Relationships were formed. Gays was great.

So here's what...Don't judge books by their covers. (writing Everyone i met was unique and great. If i had shut myself away from everyone...It would have been so incredible. I fell in love on this trip with more than i dozen people. I started a new family. I wrote some incredible stuff. I was shaken to my core with all of these people. I cried like a baby once. None of this would have happened had i not smiled and showed myself with pride....I miss them now. And i know they miss me. So this is for you all...You all made my life so much better. I have even more people to turn to. This is my Ode to breadloaf...I love you all.
beGolden and know that i love you.

Monday, May 10, 2010

to be me....

birthright - A right, possession, or privilege that is one's due by birth.

Recently i watched a short film about a boy that killed himself because he didn't feel as though he could be himself. He was a gay child and he new that it would be hard just being himself opening. So he drowned himself. Two birthrights were addressed in this short film. The right to live and be your own person and the right to die...It's wrong that in pursuit of one right, the boy chose to observe a more extreme one. It's hard for some people to simply get out of bed every morning. I, personally, know how difficult it is just to walk downtown. I fear what people could do to me because of my self acceptance. I don't like churches anymore. I know that I'm not the only one. At the same time, i never had a closet to hide in. When i realized it myself and accepted and loved myself everyone knew. I got all types of shit for it. Physical and verbal abuse in school outside...same old story..."Gay boy is harassed by peers shortly after 'coming out'..." Only I wasn't the one who killed myself and I pride myself on my strength. I wish more people were more open....Here's the point.

It's hard enough to be different in this country...this world these days. People need support. For all those who don't know...For every different person, there's someone just like you somewhere. If more people were open about it, no one would feel alone. We'd have more people to lean on. No one would ever feel completely secluded. Everyone knows how miserably i want some gay friends!! (pay me no mind...) Know that there is always someone who loves you. There is always someone who would miss you if you disappeared. Some will always need you in their lives. You keep that in mind and so will I.
beGolden and stand out