Thursday, October 29, 2009
I believe that man's greatest achievement was turning pain and chaos into harmony, life and beauty...the act of turning pain into gold. I stumbled upon a group on facebook. TWLOHA - to write love on her arms. It's a movement where people who have cut themselves in the past make a change in their lives. Instead of putting razor or knife to wrist....they put pen to arm. They write Love. It is a reminder that no matter how bad things are and will get, Love will always be with you. This is the most beautiful thing i have witnessed thus far. Some people will think to pity her and her scarlet wrists but i don't. She is still alive...She is still walking...She is still clinging to life. This group is for people who have found love and chose IT over pain, chaos, flaw and the knife. I don't pity the girl because i know that she is still moving and that is beautiful. Not poor. Shes living in spite of that! I don't know her but i know her story. She tattooed love on her arm so that she will always have it with her. She is thriving off of love and has the will to live because of it.She like many others, are the hope i have for existence. To live in spite of the flaw in creation and to even thrive off of hope and genuine love is a skill...a great talent that some aren't blessed to have. They should be applauded. Do you understand the beauty in this? It's a movement...people who have considered suicide and instead of cuts his/her wrists she writes love.
she writes love, people.
If you know someone who has chosen pain over love, enlighten them. Teach them how powerful love is and open their eyes to the beauty around them. Lend your kindness, energy, arms, shoulders and backs to people that you have the power to save. It would be like turning suffering into gold...Teach everyone you know To Write Love On Their Arms.
beGolden in spite of the chaos
Wednesday, October 28, 2009
Ladybugs were always good luck charms for me. I think that they bring good energy to every place that they land. This might be just me...But still, I think that they can measure how balanced and healthy a place or person is. Whenever one lands on you, or sits in the corner of the ceiling in your house, that saying something. Lately, I've been seeing a lot of ladybugs...a lot have been landing on me and people i know. I have a ceiling corner full of them. My room has been a sanctuary of ladybugs! It's funny....part of me thinks this is just my superstitious ego...another part of me thinks that I'm blessed with ladybugs.
Keep your mind open...and accept blessings around you. Observe how beautiful and magical this world is. Lastly, keep balance in your life. A few powerful messages I have found in the last two weeks.
Friday, October 23, 2009
There is this boy that broke my heart once. He was a straight boy that was stringing me along...some closet case that needed to come out. Sadly, i was in love with him. He was this dream of mine...to have him and for him to want me. It was pathetic actually...Reflecting on it is difficult. I put up with the crap...I put up with the secret...I put up with the self hatred that went along with this (not so)relationship. It was true love....Then, as a result of some isolated drama, i realized that i hated him so much for the shit i was going through. I was done with him...I had avoided him for a while...a LONG while. Quiet as its kept (its actually not a secret) he now has a girlfriend, goes to another school, and loves it and the girl very much. He showed up at my school last month and i had a panic attack. I was bound to him by memories and aged emotions. It was tragic. Then...he tried to friend me on facebook. My response...wasn't too nice.
Its not that i don't appreciate your drive but...A. Don't you have a
girl friend now?B. What made you think to add me again today?C. Aren't you better
at being straight than bi/gay/whatever?I'll always love you a little...But as of
now, I'm healing and ignoring all of last year and starting fresh. That includes
you, Louis, hating myself because of Louis (kid who i hate), and starving myself.
I feel a lot better...and you should to. You have a new school, a girlfriend who
loves you and a shit load of friends that care about you. Enjoy your life...without the gay...or me....love ya and hate ya,
Jahmal....P.S. feel free to respond...
He responded....He said that he was sorry. He said that he's moved on and grown out of his curiosity. Best of all...he said that he never hated me. The tears filled my eyes to the brim and i held myself for a moment. I felt relieved. I felt a lot more relaxed and i felt like i didn't loose him. We're friends now...Forgiveness is a deep thing. Some people find security in it. Some people find that forgiveness has relaxed them and relieved a great burden. Like me.
Thursday, October 22, 2009
Unheard - Not heard
There are people in this world prefer to alone and unseen. They stay away from crowds and streetlights...and you will never hear the sounds of their voices. There are people like this that are suffering...Peers and friends of ours who are holding their issues inside. There emotional wounds are festering and stinging. There are people who hide behind bright grins in this world that haven't exposed their true feelings as of yet. The sensation of suffering in solitude is similar to that of drowning. You don't pursue help because you think that people should know that you're suffering and help you. They don't advertise their feelings because they think that no one cares about these feelings. Some of these people don't vent...and the burden become to heavy. Some people collapse under the weight of their problems and die in solitude. This is the truth...this is reality and it hurts.
We, as humans, can be selfish things. We can think only of our problems and issues and fail to acknowledge others...one of many flaws in humanity. We have to learn to lend out shoulders to others. We have the strength to help and save a lot of people. There are people you know that are having a very hard time with life. Lend a ear...a shoulder...a hand to hold...something. Don't just let people drown. I know that what I've said is a little heavy but we really are more capable than we acknowledge. There is so much potential in all of us...Just give a little bit. It feels good and it could help...
There are some people in my school that i cant be around. They suck the creativity and beauty right out of me. Wrong....I LET them suck the beauty and creativity out of me and THAT is a no-no. People suck...They do. They suck cause it's in their nature and they cant help it sometimes. Sometimes you will stumble upon people that don't reek of human cliches and that means you're really lucky. Some people may be annoying, rude, bitchy, snobby...the list goes on. The only thing that matters is how you react to them. Some people choose not to entertain their actions with a response of any kind. Some lash out and do things they regret. Others let people drain their energy. Be a person that doesn't let ignorance pollute you. Don't let anyone impact your mood negatively....Mind you, there are some loopholes in that statement, but don't let things get in the way of your happiness. Honor your reflection...
I've been ignoring the blog for a while for a lot of reasons that I will get into later in my posts. I've been inside my head. A lot of good/bad/other things have happened to me recently and I'm in a state of thinking and processing. I've been gathering ideas and venting my feelings in journals and photography... and most of all, in my writing. I've written some of my best work recently. I'm growing as an artist constantly and I'm starting to taste the clouds. I've developed a new sense of style when it comes to my fiction and poetry. I've learned new things about photography and experimented a lot. I have a boyfriend...and i cant stop stressing my love for him...its almost painful how much i appreciate his existence. I've found out new things about myself...my heart, my mind, my lustful disposition. I'm learning...pulsing with knowledge and appreciating things around me a little more than i used to. I've been wondering what it is about fall that brings out the best of me...perhaps its my love for color, death and renewal. It's making me want to change like the sun baked leaves around me. I might just be SERIOUSLY GAY. Who knows.
I've found beauty in so much lately and it's a true blessing to be gifted with all that i am gifted with. I've been absorbing all of this...I can't stress that enough. Its good to sit back and absorb the beauty around you. So try it...sit in a sun-lit room and breath in fall and beauty and your own distinct flavors. Breath in what makes you beautiful...and...
Friday, October 2, 2009
So, here i am, in Toronto, for this fabulous poetry/creative conference thingy! There are people here of all colors...all unique individuals from Canada. They are all creative and inspired and (incredibly) all very nice. They are all so kind and beautiful. They're giving us love for our poetry, they're inspired and happy! They want us to come back and inspire them more. It makes me want to give more and more. They all smile...They're always joking...They're laugh and grin and they are gushing love! There is an abundance of creativity and passion in this place. It makes us want to smile more...and grin a lot...and give back the love we're receiving. We're almost recycling the love that's around us....give it back and taking it. It's the greatest feeling. Here i am in Canada....learning, inspiring and teaching while being inspired, learning and being taught. I find myself grinning while breathing in all of this love.
There are beautiful people everywhere you go. You'll find them in some of the most unexpected places! This experience has taught me to give love where ever i can because it might mean a lot to some people! Give love...receive love...recycle love... Breathe in inspiration...produce creativity...Thrive...Live....
Thursday, October 1, 2009
Word of the day – Love…
Word of the month – Love…
For all those unacquainted with true love, prepare to get a detailed description
For all those who are…prepare to reminisce on your love.
I have at last been touched with this deeply rooted love and it’s heavy and smells like sunset. I’m in love with him and grow weak when talking to him. You know you’re in love when the persons words can evoke more emotion than most others you have know. You know that you’re in love when the butterfly feeling is just faint enough to tickle your insides rather than stop you from functioning. (but they can get that bad, for the record) You know you’re in love when you miss this person when he/she’s too far away and you find yourself thinking about him/her uncontrollably. Perhaps that’s just me. But I feel like I need him like air sometimes. I feel as if I can turn to him when I’m upset and I enjoy his company, his spirit, his beauty, his creativity...I love him as a whole. But…did I mention that he’s gorgeous, smart and creative? I think about him when meditating on the silence around me. It appears that he exists in the corners of my mind sometimes. He’s there when I’m shutting everything else out. I love him because I know he’ll read this and blush. I love him because I know he might disagree with the things I love about him. I love him because I can learn from him and I feel as if he might learn from me. I’m infatuated with him…and I love that I can say this.
Love is a blessing. Feeling like this is a blessing. If you have never felt like this…I pray that when you do, you think of me. I love love! I’m convinced that you will, too. If you already know this feeling….you know how a simple first timer like me feels.