Scholarships, bad relationships and how they're connected...

Callousness - Emotional hardening...

So, I know a girl that enjoys her relationship in spite of how terrible it is for her. She's kind, docile and polite. He's a sloppy tart that doesn't treat her right. All of her friends know that he's trash. But she enjoys him...finds comfort in him. Come to think of it, you know her. She's hiding how much he hurts him, or not, and still sticks to him like glue, providing and caring for him while he sits on his ass watching t.v.

My mother has me applying to scholarships and scholarships and scholarships. It's tedious and I sort of put it off. I put WAY to much energy towards my other priorities. The scholarships are going to make my life easier in college. I'm working on them a little each day. Again, it's tedious and frustrating, but it'll help me in the long run.

Some things you just have to grit your teeth through and do it. It's often something that can help you in the future or needs, desperately, to get done. Other things, like sucky boyfriends, don't deserve such attention. Same goes for sucky girlfriends. If it isn't working and you find yourself cringing and wanting to scream on the regular, you might have to get out. There's no point in putting energy into things that you needn't. Conserve, conserve and preserver...unless you shouldn't.

beGolden and use your Energy Well

Jahmal

Joanna Newsome and why I love her...

pacify - to soothe.

I listen to Joanna Newsome. She's a singer that play the harp and, frankly, I believe she is the greatest lyricist when it comes to music since...I can't even compare her. I adore most of her music and I quote her all the time! She's incredibly inspiring and very poetic. There is one thing...She has a bit of a strange voice. It can be shrill and squeaky and I love her, but some people don't acknowledge her awesomeness because she sounds different. And I say, "But her words, she's awesome!" And you say, "But she sounds weird, ew." Guess what...There's a point in this! Joanna sounds "weird", but what of her words? What of what she has to offer? Do you get it yet?

People are all different and "weird" and they can sound "weird" and they can look "weird" and some stop their perception of people based on the surface. My voice, my body doesn't make me or you or anybody. Joanna is making THOUSANDS because people love her voice, her words and her SELF. You can do anything because someone can and will love you, your voice, your personality and all. God's work isn't done by god...It's done by people. (Ani Difranco)

beGolden and beLoved

Jahmal

Reach for the stars...Young Arts competition

aspire - to have ambition - a goal.

You hear everyone say, "I'm not doing (BLANK) because it wont do any good for me." A lot of people don't strive for some things because they feel as though they'll fail, ultimately not having achieved anything. This "why do it?" attitude is the worst! People! We have to try things despite those feelings! If everyone chose not to do something because it was hard or because they might fail, no children would be naturally born. Astronauts would have never landed on the moon...or did we?? O.O No one would graduate from high school or, god forbid, COLLEGE! Nothing of meaning would ever get done. I'm fortunate to be surrounded by a lot of progressive and inspired youth, though. Teens in my class submit to different competitions and a lot of us win things! I'm submitting to the national YoungArts competition. It's extremely competitive and very prestigious. I say, bring it on. It cost a little to submit, but, if I win, it'll all be worth while. Even if I get an honorable mention, that would be enough! But I'm reaching...You should too!

Here's what...Get excited, motivated and inspired. Do things because you know how it would feel to win. Do things because you know how it feels to just be apart of things! Put some elbow grease in it! Don't stop because you think you might fail...Strive to be the best. You might surprise yourself and others.

beGolden

Jahmal

P.S. Wish me luck!

The elephant...Forgiving and forgetting

Subdue - to overcome...bounce back.

So, I have a retraction to make.

A girl I once loved...no. A girl I always loved got on my nerves last week. I could have just let it go within the hour...but instead I stayed angry. Dear reader...Don't do that. Savannah is the biggest doll I've ever met. Quite honestly, I always thought she were prettier than most people in the school. She always was extremely smart and very articulate. I loved her most because she'd make me smile all the time...Day or night...Monday or Friday. She came to my birthday party two years ago, gave a card (i still have it) and a pendant that I lost. I found it on Friday. Poetry? I think so.

Sometimes the world is telling you stuff. The fact that I found an elephant pendant that I'd lost for two years right after a fight with the girl that gave it to me is a sign if I'd ever seen one. She's the sweetest thing on earth. I'll tell her that. People, here's what...Sometimes it's only righteous to forgive someone. Sometimes you're angry for no reason and why loose a friend? Saying sorry doesn't harm you. So say sorry. Be nicer. I promise you'll smile more and your friends will remember it. heh heh...elephants.

beGolden and forgive

Jahmal

For James pt2...of survival, hope and strength.

endurance - to live in spite of...

My friend James has lymphoma. That's the simple and direct approach. I've known him since third grade. He's not the greatest with people...He has difficulty communicating sometimes. It can take him a while to get points across. People picked at him since before I met him. It was difficult being one of his friends, someone for him to lean on, when I was a victim of bullying too, ya know? But I don't think I gave up on him ever. I've always helped when I was needed. I was always someone to talk to....someone familiar. We came into high school together. I feel as though we started to drift. We were on separate paths. I was developing into a less depressed, joyous, budding gay kid. He was developing into a more social person. I see him daily. I say hi in passing. I wonder about him. Ask about him. He's my friend James! We both could be called victims.

I always thought that James was stronger. He never let it show, whatever it was. You could never call him a victim, even now. I, on the other hand, tends to wear my emotions on my face. It's a bit of a challenge to keep moving sometimes when there is always something. There was always something for James, too, but he's stronger than I. Last week, Thursday morning, I found out that my friend has lymphoma. Just something else. He asked me to read a cycle of poems about it...I almost cried then. Not knowing what it was, I googled it. Cancer, right? I balled. I wept. I felt like the worst friend because I hadn't asked. I hadn't been there the whole time. Pitty...more. I couldn't do anything for him now, so I thought....Here's what...

Sometimes these things happen. You may feel as though there's nothing to do. There is something. Support. You can always lend a shoulder, a prayer, a hug....You can always support. When you see something you can do or help with....Do it. Just do it. For James...I know this is something unexpected and it could be eroding your spirit a little. You haven't let it destroy and for that I thank you. You're teaching people, all over the web, now, the power of enduring. You're one of the strongest people I know, James. Stay beautiful and don't let ANYTHING get you down. To all of you...This, too, shall pass. Stay strong. Endure.
beGolden
Jahmal

Perhaps I'll write it later...ForJames pt.1

Postpone - to put off till a later time.

Today I found out something that shook my core loose...literally. 8 tissues later, I'm sitting before a hissing computer and I know what to write....but I can't. Not till a little later. The wounds are still a little fresh and it's bothersome at the moment. I'll write it later because I need silence and peace first, ya know? So...Here's what.

Fuck the drama and the outside, highschool stupidity. I'd be waisting my energy to dwell on the moron's I'm plagued with when there are more important things to focus on. This week isn't the best. There is a lot to be bothered by, but life will go on. I'm thankful to have my health and my life. It's too short, people. Soak up all of it and drop the petty stuff. You will...I will still thrive knowing that there is love all around me and him...For James.

beGolden

Jahmal

opinions, opinions...and not an attack.

Dogmatic - dictatorial, opinionated.

I'm ready for highschool to be over for a lot of reasons. There's the stress of college stuff. SAT's and all that jazz. Mostly, though, because I'm very sick of overly opinionated teens. Highschoolers ADORE to be correct to the point where a lot of them establish opinion as if it were fact. The point isn't whats true anymore...It's just what I think is true which is true and what I think is stupid is wrong. What the hell is wrong with people?? Prime example...There's a piece of art called The Grande Odalisque by Ingres. It's a very old piece about a harem girl. The point of the picture is that she's GORGEOUS in the face. So it's a renowned piece around the world! There's a catch...The Grande Odalisque has about 4 more vertibre than a normal human. Her back extends into space like it was her job. ALSO...Her arm is too long for her body. ALSO, her legs are possissioned in a way that isnt possible for humans. Her legs are wrong. This picture is horrifying...but you don't notice. Those that do hardly care. The point is that the piece is worth more than you, your house, and most of your possessions. It's famous and expensive...Who cares what she looks like?

Your opinion doesn't shape the way everything is. The world goes on even with you wondering about the why and the why and why and the why...Nothing stops because you think it's ugly. You're ONE person. You're ONE individual that doesn't agree. I bet you hundreds of people disagree with YOU. Your opinions aren't fact...So don't push them on people as if there were. Opinions, opinions...

beGolden

Jahmal

Classroom inspiration...doing it for money?

Priority - Highest or higher importance...

One, snide comment after another today. In the same period, the same girl made another comment. She said that 85 percent of the people in our school, when asked about why they were going to college, would say that they were doing it for the money...oh wow and where do I begin? This'll be short, actually...

Here's what, people...If you're pursuing college ONLY to make money in the future you're a worthless ass. Honestly...There is sooo much more in the world that is priceless and still fabulous and meaningful. College is a place where you experience and grow as a person. You meet people...You find yourself more. What could compare to a forum where you can meet people like you and vibe and grow with them. You don't get that from highschool...You're still finding what you want to find. College is for you to find YOU and others, too. The world is a big pretty place...Everything can happen. Keep your eye's wide open...Money is good, but there are better things.

beGolden

Jahmal